Caution: Convoluted Religious Discussion Ahead.
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I’m a believer in Karma. Not the Hindu version, though it’s similar. I say “Karma” because I have no other word for it and people mostly know to what I’m referring when I say it. Anyway, my version is more closely related to the Wiccan “Three Fold Law”. That basically says that whatever energy you put out into the universe is returned to you three times. I don’t agree with the “threefold” part of that, but it’s pretty close. And my belief in Karmic law is the very core of my spiritual beliefs. I have gotten to a point in my life where all of my major life decisions/actions are thought out based on where I sit in the universal justice system. I don’t blame anyone for anything “bad” that may have happened to them1, but there are lessons to be learned throughout the spirit’s journey2.
My philosophy is simple: Equal justice– good or bad. If you’re good to someone/something, then you will be rewarded. And that’s true in reverse. Not many people can clearly appreciate that this means, to me, pretty much all the good and bad. That the energy (if you want to call it that) balances out one way or the other. And that balance will most definitely include anyone directly in your sphere of influence3 — close family and friends, such as your spouse and children. My belief is that past life adjudications affect whose sphere you’re in during any period of time and a huge combination of different things helps decide the justice you receive (which is not necessarily doled out on a daily basis, mind you).
I can’t tell you any kind of specifics because those would vary per person and circumstance and the decisions already made during the current lifetime4. Those are the things you (as in your soul) must figure out and learn through your current journey/lesson. The beginning and causes of the justice are not known to your conscious self (current embodiment), but you’ll recognize when you need to make a life altering decision based on what your soul already knows5.
Anyway, most people don’t really appreciate my philosophy because, well, it doesn’t sit well with them when bad things happen. My mother almost blew a gasket when I told her my thoughts on my son’s death. Until she insisted that Lil’lady was him and then I blew the gasket, but that’s neither here nor there. Most people are more content to think “There’s a reason for everything6” or that “God has a plan7 “. That’s fine and that’s the reason I don’t really share my core beliefs with anyone. I won’t argue about it because I can’t be unconvinced. But I’m not blaming anyone because that’s not my place. My place is to thoroughly examine my own actions in my own life and determine if they should be adjusted and fine tuned and to accept whatever the fates will put upon me. Ah, but that’s not sitting well, is it?
Now, back to the sphere of influence8 and how your Karma can affect those around you. It’s all well and good when you’ve hit the lottery/won a trip/lived through a surgery, but what about when you’re being punished for a negative action? Of course, since most people don’t believe in this9 they don’t think about this. For instance, TheMan doesn’t believe in Karma. He doesn’t believe in the universe’s justice system and doesn’t think what he does now10 affects the rest of us negatively. He’s wrong.
My friends know what he did. His actions caused a lot of hurt and traumatized the family. That’s a lot of negative energy thrown into the winds. During that time, I worked on what I could do to better myself, keep the family together and stop the overturning of our little boat. I thought a lot about revenge and how I could make him suffer just as bad as I was. I considered things like poison ivy in the underpants, slicing of the tires, calling of the boss and tipping her off that drug use was happening11. I made lists. Then I set them aside and went on with my life.
I’d encountered Karma many times in my life. After getting smacked around about a million times, I’m pretty sure I learned my lesson where she is concerned. I knew that I wouldn’t get out from under her justice were I to follow my instincts. Sadly, I was left with only revenge fantasies. Which sort of pulled me through the darkest time. And, by the way, I recognize my own fault in the justice that was meted on me. This is, once again, part of the core of my belief system. It was my job to learn from that and repair whatever damaged I had previously caused.
At any rate, his “bad” Karma increased significantly and he began to receive the justice for that. Because it’s a very personal thing, he was struck financially12. He was given opportunity to see the error of his ways and to get back on the right side of Karma. He started to at one point. But his penance hadn’t been fully paid when he began to backslide. So, again he was served a blow to the head. I told him he had to make right. He didn’t get it.
Now his actions are once again negatively affecting us– those in his sphere of influence. He’s been laid off permanently (when before it was just a week), been denied unemployment for 2 weeks, we’ve lost our insurance and denied a job for which he was vying. He’s become dependent on me, which seriously eats at him. My income has been sustaining us and that just kills him. So, we’re at a point where he’s losing faith again and trying to find his “manhood” again. I say to him “Do something good for your community” and make plans for us to volunteer. He doesn’t want to work for free. I gather things up to give to charity. He wants to sell it. I do it anyway– for him. But it doesn’t matter, because he won’t do the good for himself.
He doesn’t get it. Most people don’t. But the universe will make right what he’s wronged. And he will eventually be forced to learn his lesson13. And I’m struggling to keep up good spirits and not allow myself to become angry, bitter and vengeful because we’ve been through too much14. I want us to do well and get over this. It’s been so very tiresome. I’m ready to move on.
Recently I had an opportunity to get a job with a local publisher. Well, not really local, but within 20 miles. I would have to drive to work every day, but would get decent pay and benefits. I missed that opportunity because TheMan was worried he wouldn’t be able to get to this new job he was hoping to get. I agreed to wait and see– even though this job would have been perfect for me and great experience toward my degree. Then his job didn’t materialize and mine went to someone else. I’m a little bit angry about that. How much sacrificing am I supposed to do here? By giving up that job, did I help repay his Karmic debt at all?
I do think I got a slight reward for my sacrifice, but that’s a more personal thing I don’t really want to get into here. I just hope my “luck” isn’t running out and that TheMan starts thinking less of himself and more of his impact on the lives around him.
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- Plenty of “bad” has happened to me, by the way. [↩]
- Death does not equal “bad” either, by the way. It’s a natural part of the life cycle. [↩]
- Directly affected by your life’s events. [↩]
- What? You didn’t know I’m a believer in reincarnation? [↩]
- This requires more explaining and I’m not going there with this post. [↩]
- What is the reason, then? [↩]
- Aren’t you curious what it is? [↩]
- I wish I had better names for this stuff. [↩]
- Except when they say stuff like “Karma’s a bitch!” [↩]
- Or who he did, as the case may be. [↩]
- There was none, but the test would have had to be done, right? [↩]
- Finances are the most important thing to him. [↩]
- Another part that I’m not explaining here. [↩]
- Yes, including counseling. Just an FYI [↩]
I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.