I can remember seeing him again after I hadn’t seen him in months. I was excited and nervous and my head was all over the place. He looked different from the last time I saw him. Taller, maybe. More hair for sure.
I know he saw me, but he was trying to act nonchalant. I watched him walk toward me, stopping to say something to a couple of people. His eyes would flit to me then away. I didn’t take my eyes off him. I’m not exactly sure if I was breathing. I resisted the overwhel.ing urge to run to him and sweep him into my arms – as much as anyone my height could sweep anyone his height. My arms twitched. I was anxious.
He finally looked directly at me and that smile… That smile almost made me cry it was so bright and gorgeous. I felt the heat behind my eyes and beat it back fiercely. No tears. Not even happy ones.
Then he was standing in front of me. Just standing there smiling, his eyes wide and bright.
“Hi.” He didn’t move. I didn’t move. I took in his face. He looked so different. Better.
“Hey, you.” No sooner than the words were out of my mouth I was reaching up and he was reaching down. And finally – FINALLY- we were in each other’s arms. There was no sweeping up of anyone. He didn’t lift me; I didn’t jump. He wrapped his tall, lanky frame over and around me. He came down to me. I buried my face in the nape of his neck and clutched at his hair in an effort to make myself part of him. I’d been waiting so long…
His arms wrapped completely around my body and I fell into him. I moved closer. I needed more. He was here and I never, ever wanted him to leave again. I was holding on for dear life. I could feel his long fingers in my hair, his face buried in my neck. We’d become one right there with that hug.
I was completely happy in that moment. Overjoyed. Over the moon. Full of hope and love. I’d missed him so much. He missed me. He loved me. I loved him. The hug didn’t last long, I think. I don’t remember how our bodies separated, but it felt cold when it happened. He didn’t move far from me. Did he miss me as much? I’ll never know now. I’ll never know what he felt that day.
I remember that day. All of it. From the time I woke up until I finally kissed him. That kiss took me so far away. It was beautiful and sweet and full of yearning. He never stopped smiling. He never stopped watching. I remember my sister telling me she was fighting to keep her hands off him. I barked at her that he was off limits. He’s mine. No sharing. I remember watching him get his bearings and wishing we could just go lie down together. I forced myself to stop touching him, hugging him, being in his space. I didn’t want to be anywhere else. We were reunited. And this time I was going to go for it.
I remember the day I first saw him again. And it breaks my heart all over again.