So This Happened

I have a funny story. Well, kind of funny and weird. Usually I’d say ‘oh, this is for sure a sign from the gods’ but I’m not so faithful anymore. It was a hilarious coincidence.

So, I’m minding my own business at the Devil’s Own Box Store1, talking on my phone when BAM! She walks around the corner. I knew immediately who she was, even though we’d never met. And she very obviously recognized me. Her eyes must’ve gotten as big as mine before she bowed her head and moved around me. I’m still trying to remind myself that there was no sign. But what a fucking coincidence.

So, when Lucifer and I were together he had a particularly upset member of his harem. This chick hated me with a passion2. I only know this because she made it known. I don’t know if she was trying to intimidate me or what. It didn’t work. I was not at all impressed back then.

Lucifer showed me her pictures and told me a funny story about how she was deathly afraid of raccoons. I love raccoons, so this was hilarious to me. She’s a city chick and actual wild animals can be very, very scary. But the motherfucker was in a tree outside of his window. That story and some bits about what she did for a living were all I really knew about her. He did tell me she was well put-together and very beautiful in person. That was nice3 and I didn’t even give a shit. By then I was all about hating Horseface and I can only hate one “other woman” at a time.

He did ask me if I’d like a threesome with her once. We both declined his invitation.

Now, Lucifer and I had rules about this sort of thing. I was never to know nor be approached by any other woman he’s messing with. He was to keep these women in check and they should never, ever know who I am. On his part he wanted to know when I was seeing other people4. This chick decided to comment on a post in which I’d tagged him. I didn’t respond to her. Instead I showed him my phone and he knew just what to do.

She never communicated with me again.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. Just some backstory. So, I’m just standing in the aisle, almost nose-to-nose with this chick, and I notice something. She’s not wearing makeup and she looks considerably older than in her facebook photos (surprise, surprise). She looked like an average 30-something woman with no makeup on, really. For my part, I was in the same boat. Hair pulled up, no makeup – just here for some floor cleaner, folks. I knew I looked a right mess. I cannot hide my thoughts, so I’m sure she was quite aware that I was giving her the once over. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I was standing there googly-eyed with my mouth open. Dur.

Now, the question as to why she was at my Walmart… She doesn’t live down here. She’s got about 3 Walmarts between here and there. So I immediately wondered why she was in my little corner of BFE. Then another lady caught up with. This woman was obviously her mother and she very obviously belongs down here. Ahhh. Ok then. Well, now I know.

I can see why he’d choose her though. She’s not ugly. And with makeup she’s stunning, I guess. Good for him.

Here’s where my idiot mind went: I’ve been thinking about Lucifer a lot lately. Sure, it’s generally in connection with my horrid love life overall and Sam particularly, but I’m having good thoughts about him. Nah, man. Nope. Take back the power of your brain, JJ. Anyway, I happened upon a video of him and I together in an account I’d forgotten5. And now I’ve seen another member of the harem from when I was a part of said harem.

What’s going on right now? What the actual fuck is going on right now. First I have a weirdo stalker6 and now I’m seeing blasts from my past with Lucifer. I mean, I really shouldn’t see his people. They’re far enough away that I should probably only run into people who knew him when we were a couple. That’s it. And this woman? This particular woman was a part of my life, but on the edges. We were connected by one person. Now, he’s far away from either of us. How fucking funny is that?

I’m curious as to her thought process when she recognized me. She knew right away. Right away. The two of us had never met in person so I know it’s because Lucifer showed her my pictures. She was obviously taken aback. Will she tell him she saw me? They’re still friends as far as I know, but who knows for sure.

Honestly, Lucifer had some good taste in women. Not going to lie. Suave motherfucker had a beautiful lineup. Even Horseface is pretty in her own horse-faced way. He didn’t mess with skanks openly. And he never spoke bad of any of the women. Horseface was a good mom, though she was untreated bipolar7. This one is a hard worker with a smashing body. There was this other one who had a pretty singing voice. Really, I think the only one he even said a crass word about was his primary supply. He used the fact that she withheld visitation as a way to garner my sympathy. As soon as he saw how passionately opposed to that bullshit I was, well, he amped it up a bit. Ultimately, though, even she is not horrible. She’s got a good life – job, car, her own place. All of us were chosen for that particular list.

At any rate, he told me once that he didn’t date unattractive or stupid women8). He told me the problems in this relationship or that one were his fault. He made sure to be as sympathetic as possible. Like I said before, when we were out together he was very proud to claim me. Hugs, hand-holding, kissing. Oh, how little I realized back then.

This is another way that Sam and he are different. Sam has told me some pretty disgusting things about his past girlfriends. As if he was proud of how skanky they were and how bad they let him treat them. He told me his baby’s mother used to crawl in through his bedroom window to come see him because he was too ashamed to let anyone see her come through the front door. He told me stories. Anyway, all of his ex-girlfriend stories are really bad. But here’s the thing about that. It changed the way I looked at him. I asked him once “You love women with daddy issues who will bow to your every whim. They’re all skanks. What’s that say about you and me?”

No answer. I didn’t elaborate and it probably didn’t click with him. Every time he dogged his exes in the manner that he did made me wonder about him and why he was with me. I don’t like toxic Lilith9 for good reasons. The other one… that one I’m more sympathetic toward. But he told me shit she did too. I have opinions about all of it. Most of them to do with his own choice in who to be with.

Fun fact: I will never fuck any of his friends. I won’t allow him to pass me around. I won’t be caught dead going from fucking him to fucking someone else without even a shower between. How disgusting is that? Learn to use a condom for fuck’s sake. And have some self-respect. Also? He could actually take me out in public and be proud – as old as I am. He could actually trust me. Ahem

So, anyway, that happened and I’m all “hmm, so weird”. I wonder how long before I get an email “Hey, been thinking a lot about you lately…” I hate him with a passion, but I’d hook up. No lie.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. WalMart []
  2. Lucifer was no doubt triangulating with her as well. []
  3. He was never one to talk bad about anyone he was with. We were a reflection of him and if he talked bad about us then it would look bad on him. He only chose a certain type of woman. The kind that was “undercover sexy” – meaning we didn’t advertise our goods for the entire world to see. Except this one. It was her job. []
  4. Until I actually told him. Then that rule changed with the quickness. []
  5. Deleting other stuff. But that video makes me smile. I remember that night. It was fantabulous. []
  6. She makes it easy. []
  7. She is probably suffering from dealing with his shit. []
  8. All of us are stupid to a degree. We all share him in common. []
  9. She came into my driveway and tried to have sex with my man. C’mon, now. And now she’s watching everything I write like it’s fucking gospel. Come the fuck on, now. []