What is Going on Here? Hint: Cougar Hunting

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve got profiles on some dating sites. I’ve been more active on them lately, which means I’m getting more traffic. Now, I’ve set an age range on my profiles. I don’t want to date young guys so I’ve made the limit 35-50. Anyone in that age range is acceptable to me. But here’s the thing: I keep getting messages from really young guys. These dudes are lying about their age in order to be able to message women my age. I had some idea of MILF hunters and I’ve joked that I’m a MILF. I didn’t think that seriously though. I mean, look at me, I’m short and my hair is weird. I expected to get messages from divorced guys, to be honest. Nope.

I’m mainly getting messages from guys younger than my age range. “I’m not really 42. I’m 25.” Shit like that. I had no idea so many guys were into women my age. I have a look about me, I guess. These mofos are pretty bold, too. Most of them are really respectful about it. But some of them are pretty aggressive. One guy told me I look just like his mother and that makes him hard. He asked me if I wanted to know why. I said “No, I don’t.” But he proceeded to tell me his mommy fantasy in great detail. Holy shitballs, that made my skin crawl. I laughed about it on Twitter, but it really was very, very creepy.

I don’t do that mommy shit. I don’t do the MILF thing either. Yes, I dated a man 20 years my junior, but I didn’t think of him like that. He was my man. These kids want to me to treat them like my children and I hate that. What the hell is going on with these guys? I’ve been chatting with one young dude1 and asked him why he was interested in older women. He said “more mature, no games and loyal honest and yes sexual experience is a plus”. I laughed. He has no idea who he’s talking to. I hate it when guys say they like honesty. None of them do. I’ve never met a man who truly likes honesty. And, yet, when a dude tells me that shit I will test him every single time.

When Lucifer and I first got together we agreed that we would completely honest with each other. And we also agreed that we could see other people. I told him what I don’t know won’t hurt me. And he said he wanted me to just be open and honest with him. When we got back together the final time he admitted to me that he got really jealous when he knew I was with someone else. He got really pissed when the pup would blow my phone up. He hated when I went on dates with other people. But he’d wanted me to be honest with him. So, I was honest with him. I told him all about it. I called him at the end of one date and told him all about it on my way home.

That was a bitch move, I know. But I had no idea that this was bothering him. I knew he was seeing other people. It was only fair, right? Anyway, he was a real trooper about it. He laughed at my the jokes I retold. He wanted to know if we made out. He was chatty and sounded like he was in a good mood. I remember I was really comfortable with the conversation because he sounded ok with everything. He told me later that he wanted to kill me the entire ride home2. I felt like that’s what he got for giving me permission to be an asshole. No, that’s not really fair to say. But that’s how I felt when he told me it hurt him. “That’s what you get, motherfucker.”

And how am I attracting all of these MILF hunters? Or cougar hunters, as one guy called himself:

I really don’t want to date a guy that young again. I made an exception for someone I thought was really special and that was obviously a mistake. I don’t want to go through all of that again. And I certainly don’t want to be some mommy fetish. That’s just so much ewwww.

Lil’lady says I shouldn’t date right now… because my future ex-boyfriend lives in Georgia. I about pissed my pants when she said that. She was so adamant about it. Based on what’s going on in this dating app she doesn’t have to worry about me falling in love with some asshole who convinces me to stay. Hahaha. Yeah, that shit’s not popping off again. I want to have fun, but I don’t want to be in love. Which means I’ll probably be pulling some bitch moves.

I’m looking forward to it.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. Wtf? I’m so stupid. []
  2. He was actually driving his car and was on his way home from seeing his baby’s mom. []