I did something really stupid. Again. I’m always doing something really stupid but this is probably going to get me a blanket party thrown by both my girls. But… This is what I do when no one’s looking. I look at my life and think to myself “boy, how can I make this just a little bit more complicated (worse)?” Since I’m terrified of the joint I do my best not to break laws, so this wasn’t illegal. It just wasn’t smart at all. Can you guess what I did? Think really hard. I bet you can.
Let me end your torment. I emailed my ex. Yes, I did. Not texted. Not called. I emailed. Because why not. Then I deleted the sent email so I wouldn’t know I did it. I was drunk and my emotional side took over. That bitch.
This is something I sometimes do. I’ll send off an email or text that makes me shy, embarrassed or angry and then delete the evidence. I’m a child that way. I don’t want to re-embarrass myself. My drunk self has no sense at all. She’s insane (as evidenced by the videos I posted last Friday and then promptly deleted Saturday morning). At least the tequila makes me happy and sociable, I guess. No one tried to feed me whisky. I’d have probably called and cussed someone out in that case.
Anyway, I actually sent an apology. Just “I’m sorry I was evil. There’s no qualifications except I’m an evil bitch”. Basically. There was a bit more. I signed it “Regards, Jen”. No lie. Fucking formalities and shit. WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND?
As I said I deleted the evidence from my sent folder1, so what am I going on about? GUESS. You’ve guessed, haven’t you?
That mofo emailed back. Not only that, but he was super sweet about it. GODDAMN IT ALL. “You’re a good woman. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” I mean, there was more, but that wasn’t the important part. I’m reading this and my eyeballs about flew out of my head. Damn it, Jennifer. Damn it all. It was all very civil actually. Honestly, I’d have expected him to cuss me out. But nope. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
And drunk emailing? Who does that? Me. That’s who. That’s how we communicated at the end. Strictly through email. My emotional bitch was fully aware of what she was doing. And now I’m cursing myself. How can I sabotage myself? Well, this is how.
I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.
- Must’ve been after going to the store for cigarettes, which I didn’t know I had until Saturday morning. [↩]