I haven’t talked about my job in a long time. Ok, the last time I did it was another job completely. I’m not at the job anymore and one of these days I’m going to explain why that’s a good thing. Anyway, I have this new job– which I love. The work itself is kind of “meh” but the company is full of the most awesome people and the CEO is frankly amazing. I adore my immediate supervisor, the policies and the extremely low turnover. Most of us at this particular company realize that we are lucky. We’re making decent money, we have good benefits and the company really cares about the employees. We know because we’ve worked other places and we are not going to mess up and get thrown back to the trenches.
I have nothing bad to say about the job itself. I don’t think, at this point, you could pay me to say something bad about them. That’s not ass kissing, as far as I’m concerned, that’s counting my freaking blessings. So, what’s my point? Well, there’s this one person…
Isn’t there always?
She’s a nice enough woman, I guess. She kind of reminds me of a little lost dog who is eager to get some attention. She means well. I try to remember that. She just gets on my last damned nerve. She’s the kind of person that makes up bullshit stories and then forgets what she was making up and totally contradicts herself. While she’s weaving these tales the people around her are scratching their heads thinking “Did you hear what I just heard?”
One example was about her new laptop. She showed me her receipt and it was from Walmart for a little under $300. That’s not so bad. People buy what they can with whatever money they have. The problem comes later. When we first started here, she went on and on about her “gaming”. She’s a “gamer chick” and a “nerd”. Anyway, it seemed like something in which she took a lot of pride. Good for her. So, I started talking to her about some stuff. Well, the first clue to her being full of shit was that for someone who was such a “nerd” she didn’t recognize some of the lingo. Ok. Then she showed me this receipt. She went on and on about this new computer and how awesome it was. She told me that it was 1TB HDD and I about fell out of my chair. She was having some problems getting it to work with our work programs and she wanted me to help her with it. I asked her about her graphics card (“What’s that?”) and her processor (“I don’t know.”) and if I had a better memory I’d tell you what else. She seemed to be having troubles with the CPU when she was connected to the work network. I was trying to help.
I told her “Dude, it’s ok. Something that cheap from Walmart isn’t going to be powerful anyway. No worries.” Well, she about flipped her lid. Now she told me her dad was a sys admin and that he told her that was the best computer and OH MY GOD IT WAS SO FUCKING POWERFUL. I’ve since determined her “gaming” consists of flash games on Facebook, but I digress. Since our discussion about why her computer was struggling, she hasn’t mentioned it.
The point of that story is that she will take the most mundane thing and tell tall tales about it. She’s one of those people. At any rate, she’s also one of those people who comes to work late, forgets to come back from lunch and calls off way more than her fair share. And that got her happy ass in trouble. She had a meeting with the bosses about her absentee problem.
****Side note**** This is how awesome my bosses are: They rearranged her schedule so she can be at work on time. They allowed her to come in an hour later because she told them she was having a hard time getting her eldest to school- though her eldest lives 2 hours away. But that is not the point. ****
Anyway, she gets in trouble for that. Well, this does not deter her! She’s very chipper, really, so that doesn’t surprise me. But something must’ve hit her in the head, because she suddenly forgot how to do her job. God love her, but she’s fucking up all over the damned place. She was on a tear about getting in trouble for bypassing a particular policy. She fired off this email about how this wasn’t in any documentation that she ever received, but don’t you worry because she was going to be good going forward. Then she sent it off– to us all. So, I get her aside and tell her “Dude, that was given to you.” She can’t remember so I send her the policy email. Oh shit! She was freaking out. She was afraid she was going to get in trouble again and blah blah.
So, yesterday, she’s back to her happy, clueless self. She was again being uber-helpful to the newbies and, in the process, confusing the hell out of them. The other boss had a chat with her. She tells me he said she was in line for a promotion! I almost choked to death on my own damned tongue. I couldn’t swallow my laughter hard enough. She forwards along the message he sent her. I’m scratching my head and wondering where she’s getting the “promotion” part out of this message. It was basically “If we ever decide to make this totally worthless position that we would never create, we’ll totally think about you for it.” This “position” isn’t a position within the company and there would be absolutely no reason to have this position. He totally pulled it out of his ass. I didn’t tell her. She said “Since you and I take this job way more seriously than this other chick (who she is friendly with and who I like) you should ask if you can do it too.” Whoa, boy. Sure. Let me get right on that. I was rolling.
So, I may add her to my “Who’s Who” for no other reason than to tell a story or two about her. Like the time she was telling me all about her period. That was fun. Or the time she thought someone was flirting with her and was mad at her for not liking him back– but he’s gay. That was kind of fun when she found out. Sadly, I can’t really tell the stories about exactly how she fucks up as the job is pretty specific. I’m glad she’s got a job where the bosses are so understanding with her, though. I think she’d probably have a really hard time almost anywhere else. I think that if she allowed herself to just be herself then she’d be a joy to work with.
Also, I think she might be exactly the type of person to help me be a better person. I don’t mean because she’s annoying and I can laugh at her tall tales– though I do. It’s because she is a nice person and I don’t have the heart to go with my first instinct– to tell her that she’s full of shit and I know it. I know that if I tell her that it will hurt her feelings and as much as she annoys me I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Sometimes I wish she wouldn’t have latched on to me, but she has. She’s not cruel or competitive or trying to get somewhere by hurting anyone else. But when I know she’s telling me a tale… man, is it hard.
I believe that she’s had a hard time in her life and she’s just trying to fit somewhere and in any way she can. I see someone who’s just trying to fight getting rejected, which kind of hurts my heart a little. I’m sure at some point she’ll tell me her history and I’ll be able to glean what it is that makes her behave that way. I just want to tell her “DUDE! You don’t have to lie. Really. Just be you.” That doesn’t really work, though. It’s probably best if I just nod along while continuing to smack my head against a wall. She’s an interesting character in that aspect. What makes her tick? Those kinds of puzzles always fascinate me.
Anyway, I don’t think either of us are up for a promotion any time soon. We’re both pretty new and the turnover at this joint is crazy low. Still, it’ll be fun for her to continue with that particular fantasy. I can’t wait.