More Fun with PUMAs

Guess what! Give up? Well, Francine (aka SouthJerseyPUMA) wrote me another email. I guess she figured she’d shut her caps off this time.

Now this email is a reply to a subscription to “The Early Bird is Flippin’ Tired“. Francine (aka Southwaytoostupid) checked the box to subscribe. That’s important and you’ll see why. She then replied to the new email announcement.

Take note that Francine (aka Southdumbasarock) has taken off her caps lock and forgotten how to use it properly. Except for the top-row keys. Woo-hoo! You’re getting close, Francine, keep practicing!

Here’s that reply:

whats wrong jenny? spam? hahaa! who’s a joke? 4%, 18% popular! wow! you are a big time blogger! what a loser! you cant take a good fight? was my post and research on the dual citizenship too much for a lil girl to handle?

No longer an “it”, Francine whines that I scrubbed her posts. Here’s her last comment on the above referenced post. Francine is so “low-information” that she still thinks that her little trick worked.

The research? Talking points from her leader’s blog. She calls into question Obama’s citizenship- even though members of her cult agree that he’s eligible. I guess she didn’t get that “prowl” that day. Who’s laughing? Oh, yes! We are! Poor, Francine, put that vodka down, woman, and get some fresh air.

lmao!! scrubbed my post but left yours! can’t wait for the big bomb to come that will blow obozo out of the polls!! even rev. wright is back and he is selling shit on your hero!! guess payback’s are gonna be a bitch for the messiah! still laughing at your pathetic dumb koolaide ass!!!

No doubt the “big bomb” will be Michelle’s whitey tape. This tells me that Francine spends a lot of time at No 25¢1 and Texas Tea (or whatever). She believes that I’m somehow worried about Rev. Wright. Why should I be? All I have to do is point to her as a supporter of McCain and people will fly to the Dem side of the ticket in droves.

Poor Francine. Still sore after all these months. We may see mass head implosions in November. Keep your eye on the Southern sky.

lose the email… you will be spam as well here!

have a pain filled day from your Fibromyalgia! you deserve it!

Francine doesn’t know how to unsubscribe. And then goes on to prove that she does know how to use the caps key properly by capitalizing “Fibromyalgia”. She doesn’t understand that I would rather be in pain that be unintelligent, so her little “barb” was a waste of precious “prowl” time. My pain can get better- her stupidity will be a blight on humanity for all eternity.

P.S.

I forgot to add:

Francine wrote that email from her personal email account. So I did get her last name as well as her first. She doesn’t understand the value of an anonymous email account when sending fucktarded emails. Perhaps someone in her cult will help her out with that.

Fun with PUMAs

SouthJersyIMSOSTUPID sent me an email via my contact form. Seems she (he?) was busy editing her (his) own comments that she(he) had left here yesterday. And she (he) took screencaps to prove that she’d left comments here and I was censoring her (him). What SJISS doesn’t realize that when folks try that shit with me, I just fix it the way it was. Well, except for this one. I did warn her (him). They should read my comment policy.

Anyway, for the email. Apologies in advance for the all-caps. Dumbass doesn’t know Intertoobs etiquette, but I’m posting this in all it’s glory.1

SO I AM SPAM? HAHA!! THATS FUNNY! YOU ERASED MY COMMENTS? WHY? CAN’T TAKE A GOOD FIGHT? CAN’T LEAVE THE QUESTIONABLE CITIZENSHIP OF YOUR MESSIAH?

Note: This is where it questions the citizenship of Obama- because he conned us ALL and is really a Muslim-Christian Islamofascist Indonesian… Or something.

Also it asks if I can’t take a good fight. I guess if it came with one (a good fight) I’d be able to judge. But talking points straight from a “PUMA prowl” aren’t a good fight. It’s like listening to that crazy lady at the bus stop- the one that keeps saying “The end is neigh!” and asking if you’ve accepted Jesus in your heart. It’s better just to walk away.

OHH AND I SEE YOU ARE SO POPULAR!! LMAO!! 4%!!!

Note: This is where it looks at the Post Popularity plugin percentage and assumes that it applies to the total of the Intertoobs. It isn’t bright enough to know that it’s the popularity of the posts in comparison with my other posts. Shhh, don’t tell it. We don’t want to cause anyone’s head to implode with too much information. Better to let it think it’s found something brilliant with which to take me down.

PUMA’S ARE GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE JENNY! LIKE IT OR NOT!!!

Note: This is where it tries to convince itself and me that they are still relevant outside of their own little bubble. It doesn’t realize that for me (and other people like me) they’re no better than rightwing nut jobs and/or 911 Conspiracy Theorists or Fred Phelps Merry Band of Bigots.

SO WHO ARE YOUR READERS? FAMILY AND FRIENDS? THAT’S ABOUT ALL IT ADDS UP TO!!! I WILL BE SURE TO LET PUMA’S KNOW HOW YOU CAN’T PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT! AND YOU CENSOR ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE!

Note: This is where it tries to demean me by questioning my “popularity”. It doesn’t realize that hanging your hopes and dreams on someone else’s blog instead of having the ability to keep your own is more demeaning. It also fails to realize that I’m not desperately trying to get anyone to look at me. LOOK AT ME! I MATTER! PLEASE LOOK AT ME.

HOPE MY CAP’S PISSED YOU OFF!

SEE YA LOSER!!

McCAIN/PALIN 2008!!!!!!!!

Note: It tries once more to get under my skin, but sadly fails. It’s a little sad in it’s attempts to make itself felt. Some day, when it has grown bigger and has more Intertoobs experience, it will realize that it’s attempts at biting humor failed miserably. It will see that all it did was give me fodder for a post so that myself and my two readers can laugh hysterically together.

Sadly, that was the end of the message.

I do have a message for it though:

You are nothing to me but another group of rightwing fanatics who are at war with me and my family. You deserve nothing but derision and scorn from me and will receive nothing more. I will take nothing you say seriously and will use everything like the above as examples of why PUMAs are irrelevant and, well, insane. If you want to make your mark on the world outside of your own bubble, perhaps you should appoint a new ambassador- one with grammar skills and the ability to follow basic Internet etiquette.

Dear People

I’ve been really busy with my real life stuff- you know, family, learning, family, GOING CRAZY. But I’ve occassionally been able to hit up Twitter (I’m always looking at it when I’m online for class. This is why I suck.). I noticed a couple of different people say that they’re trying to avoid politics on their own blogs, but that they’ve got plenty to say.

So, I am once again opening an invitation for guest bloggers. If you would love to blog about politics, but not on your own damned blog, send me a Tweet or contact me some other way. There are a couple of things to keep in mind though-

ONE: This is a liberal blog and liberal/progressive/moderate politics only. Sorry, conservatives. I have to have a line.

TWO: No outing of other bloggers.

THREE: No hating on me. Dur.

FOUR: I prefer bloggers with whom I am familiar.

FIVE: Unless you’re a super special good friend o’ mine, I ask that you keep your initial post in draft form- just so I can check it out. I don’t have a good rep, but I do think of my readers (usually).

Ok, so let me know if you’re interested and I’ll hook you up with an executive account.

P.S.

You can link to yourself in the post. I’m all about the link appreciation (I hate “link love”).

I Got a Present

Monique was a darling and convinced me to give her my actual home address. At first I was leery and then decided why not? So I did. Guess what? She sent me goodies!!

Behold:

Goodies from TX

There’s a smiley magnet (I seriously love the smilies), a little Texas magnet complete with a gun that reads “We don’t dial 911″ and a Bullshit bag. What’s it say on the bag, you ask?

Disposable
Bullshit Bag
Seals BS IN

>DIRECTIONS:

  1. OPEN BAG BEFORE OPENING MOUTH
  2. TUCK OPEN BAG BENEATH CHIN
  3. START “TALKING”, LET THE B.S. FLOW
  4. WHEN FULL, SEAL BAD AND DISPOSE OF.

Warning:

Do not attempt to dispose of your BS through any government agency since they produce more bullshit than they can dispose of themselves. We suggest that you send it to the major networks in return for all they send out each day.

So a big Ohio “Thankee” to Monique for the most awesome of Texas goodies. But, um, can you please send me the ammo for that gun? I’ve got some beetles to take care of. :)

TDS Takes an In Depth Look at PUMAs

Why would anyone as mockable as PUMAs agree to go on “The Daily Show”? Have these idiots not ever seen it? Were they hoping for some pats on the back?

Well…

(Totally safe for works and children)

PUMAs,

Don’t make yourself feel welcome. But if you do feel like making a statement here, make sure to read my comment policy first. This blog is a benevolent dictatorship, so you need to understand that. And the next person that posts here in all caps will go into Akismet, which means whenever you attempt to comment at any other blog with Akismet, you’ll have to be fished out of the spam file.

Don’t make yourself feel welcome. But if you do feel like making a statement here, make sure to read my comment policy first. This blog is a benevolent dictatorship, so you need to understand that. And the next person that posts here in all caps will go into Akismet, which means whenever you attempt to comment at any other blog with Akismet, you’ll have to be fished out of the spam file.

Edited for obvious typo in title

The Early Bird is Flippin’ Tired

I am so tired. I can’t even tell you properly. Today is the second day in a row that I was up at 6 am. If you know me at all, you know that I hate getting up before 9 am. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a morning person1. Anyway, between kids (ok, just one) getting on my last nerve and my husband getting on all the other nerves it’s a wonder I’m even able to function today. Seriously, I’m looking at tropical island destinations and wondering how long it will take me to swim there.

In school news, I started classes yesterday. Math was my very first course of the semester and I have the same professor that I had last semester. It’s seriously teh suhweet. Except for the part where we have to take a test every Wednesday. I also have to write my very first C++ program/code thing2 and read 3 chapters in my ethics class so I can write 2 paragraphs for each discussion on our WebCT (there are 5 discussions listed- not including the obligatory “Introduction” thread). I have yet to meet my Hon. Coll. teacher. I’m sure I’ll have to write a 10 page report by next week. Wheee!!!! Am I getting smart yet? Because, um, I certainly don’t feel like it.

In other news, you can see a PUMA live and in charge here. No, seriously, watch the video when you get the chance. The woman (Cristi I-don’t-Care-What-Her-Last-Name-Is) starts off by saying that Obama was registered in a Muslim madrassa, then she says that he was registered as a Muslim and she has a report from a Congressional investigator. When Chris Matthews asks for proof and dogs her a little, she switches it up and insists that she actually said “former” Congressional investigator. Mwahaha!! Seriously, watch it if only for proof of the way she changes her story every so slightly every single time Matthews prods her. It’s hilariously representative of what the PUMAs have been doing for months.

You’re Copyright, Huh?

Updated below

Dear Idiot,

© Yuri Arcurs - Fotolia.com

© Yuri Arcurs – Fotolia.com

In case you just can’t see it, there’s a copyright symbol under that image. Do you see it? Huh? Because it’s pretty damned obvious to me.

Now, I challenge you to produce the license that says you are the copyright holder of this image1. Or any of the images that you use on your commercial website2

Otherwise, shut the fuck up and stay out of my goddamned way, you twit. You lost. Get the fuck over it and move on.

Now, I challenge you to produce the license that says you are the copyright holder of this image1. Or any of the images that you use on your commercial website2

Otherwise, shut the fuck up and stay out of my goddamned way, you twit. You lost. Get the fuck over it and move on.

For those that want to see the smack down girlie took I have screencaps and they’re uploaded. Here’s where she decided to go tell because I told her to back off3 and here’s where she just gave up and completely lost her mind.

Here’s the message I received today in my inbox. You’ll see that, um she’s claiming this is her copyright. I have to use “her”4 image because…. Well, see you can’t claim copyrights when you’ve altered the original artist’s work. So there ya go.

Oh, and if some dumbass bitch wants to ask about my usage rights (because dumbass bitches do dumbass shit) I paid for the image from Fotolia.com. I have written proof to back that up, including the date and time that I purchased it5. If you6 would like to purchase the usage rights, please see Fotolia or even 123RF.com. It’s less expensive at 123RF.com, but you have to buy bigger packages. I haven’t done enough investigating of images on that site7.

Also, if you use an image of someone else’s fabulous body (with or without the usage rights) and someone asks “Are those really your abs, Glam?” I suggest that you don’t say “Yes”. Because, you know, some day someone – who is not as stupid as you wish they were – will find out that no those are not your abs. At which point you will probably be declared an attention-seeking, shit-stirring troll8.

Back to the, um, subject of this post.

You’re getting two free links from me and those motherfuckers are nofollow free. If you have the lady-balls to bring it here, then comment. I won’t censor your shit, honey (I put that comment back online for ya, sweet cheeks), but you get no free passes from me. You can stamp your pretty little foot in the forums or wherever the fuck you throw your tantrums, but I will not allow my online sanity be disrupted by someone who doesn’t even have the goddamned sense to make sure I can’t find evidence of her LIES. Nor will I stand by while myself or my blog are libeled. You are out of your league with this bullshit, darling.

When you can fit the big girl shorts, please come back to see us. Otherwise, back the fuck off.

Update

The Copyright Police shared this in the comments. However, it didn’t quite fit right. So, I’m putting it here.

Enjoy.

Theyre your abs? Really?

They’re your abs? Really? Everyone, please note the words “I am wearing NO shirt.”
Image credit: Yuri Arcurs – Fotolia.com

Now That We’re Through with The Crap

I’m currently pretending that psychos aren’t stalking and threatening me because I won a debate. Ok, well, not currently. But yesterday and today I had a BLAST out in the real world.

Yesterday we went to a picnic. This one was family oriented1 so we took the chillins. OMG, Lil’lady was hilarious. Now that she’s reached the ripe old age of (three plus one— shh!) she does a whole lot of talking. Since there were 200-300 people there, she had a lot of people to talk to. The funniest, though, was when she went up to a little Amish girl and told her:
“When our electricity goes out we’re going to be Amish and my mommy’s going to make me a blue dress.”

Yesterday we went to a picnic. This one was family oriented1 so we took the chillins. OMG, Lil’lady was hilarious. Now that she’s reached the ripe old age of (three plus one— shh!) she does a whole lot of talking. Since there were 200-300 people there, she had a lot of people to talk to. The funniest, though, was when she went up to a little Amish girl and told her:
“When our electricity goes out we’re going to be Amish and my mommy’s going to make me a blue dress.”

Holy shitballs! Oops.

A little history for this hilarity:
A couple of weeks ago our electric went out for a few hours. Lil’lady, being the rather timid creature that she is, insisted that we light some candles and go sit on the front porch. Apparently she believes that we must retreat to the outdoors whenever the power goes out2. So, we’re sitting on the front porch and listening to the drunk neighbors across the street. It was rather peaceful (regardless) and Lil’lady asked me to tell her a story. Not very good at fiction, I started regaling her with tales from my youth. One story that stuck out to her was when I stayed with my cousins in the summer.

My cousins lived in a small town smack-dab in the middle of Amish Country (Ohio for those of you gathering information). A really nice Amish family lived on a farm at the bottom of my cousins’ hill. They had a little girl named Mardella. Mardella and I got to be really good friends3 and I was able to go inside her home, ride in the family buggy, was invited to dinner and helped tend the horses. My experiences with Mardella and her family made for great memories and I shared some of those with Lil’lady.

Lil’lady, of course, didn’t understand why the Amish are different. So I explained that they don’t have electricity, televisions, telephones, cars, etc. Of course, that led to more questions as she is (three plus one) and more stories and more… Well, you know how kids her age can be.

Something about that conversation must have stuck in her head, because she was completely enthralled by the Amish folks at the picnic and couldn’t wait to make a new friend. Little did she know that her enthusiasm would cause her poor, dear mother much embarrassment. Later we discussed why we weren’t going to become Amish- but after we took a ride in an Amish buggy.

Today was a 21 and over which meant Al Kee Hall was going to be there. Woo-hoo! I was excited to be going where no children could follow. It’s been a while since I was able to escape the confines of motherhood joyous sound of my children. This was especially nice because they had an open bar with two kegs and lots of Seagram’s4. So, TheMan and I had our required hotdog then went straight for Al.

Of course, I couldn’t remember if it was “Beer before liquor never sicker” or “Liquor before beer never sicker” so I had a beer first. Then I said fuck it and went for the hard stuff. But not too much. Just enough to…

Get my ass shakin’ on the dance floor! WOOT! We were boot scootin’ and booty callin’ and it was suh-weet. It’s been a long time since I went dancing5 and I was loving it. There weren’t very many women as young as me6 which should tell you something, but those ladies could get down. No lie. They were shakin’ it like it was 1975. It was hilarious.

Well, it was until that dudette got up to karaoke to Patsy Cline. She started wailin’ about standing by her man and I just had to go have another drink. For real. That shit was painful to hear.

Luckily, when she was done some old dude got up to sing that Lee Greenwood song7, so Patsy was soon pushed out of my head8 by fantasies of stuffing a dog down dude’s gullet. It was a joyous moment. More Seagrams please!

Did I mention that we got there at 3pm? Yeah.

After a couple of laps around the picnic in the (line of people going around the room?) TheMan finally pulled me out. It was time to go. Bah! I was having a good time too. Oh well, he was smart. If we’d have stayed longer I would have gotten really plastered and then embarrassed myself either there or online. I’m good like that. ;)

After a couple of laps around the picnic in the (line of people going around the room?) TheMan finally pulled me out. It was time to go. Bah! I was having a good time too. Oh well, he was smart. If we’d have stayed longer I would have gotten really plastered and then embarrassed myself either there or online. I’m good like that. ;)

We went to see his dad and stepmom and watched some “Bridezillas” with them. That was really funny while I was buzzed. I kept telling TheMan “See? You should be counting your blessings, Mister. I could have been like her!” Yeah. I said it more than once. The first time is funny, the sixth time is time to shut the fuck up. Ya know? What can I say? Anyway, we were having a good time laughing at the spoiled cows who were going to extremes- even though my father-in-law tried to say “They just edited to look like that. They’re not really like that”. Pfft. What a way to kill a good time, Pops!

Then I had a bright idea. “I want KFC and mashed potatoes!” TheMan looked at me sideways9 and then, oh-ho, his stomach growled. Mwahaha!! It was sooo loud. We all had a good laugh at that. Then it was time to go again. Unfortunately we didn’t get some damned mashed potatoes, but my buzz was waning so I didn’t care much. We stopped for a pre-made, wilted salad and then came home.

I was then forced to have a couple more beers, but we’ll pretend I’m stone cold sober. Don’t ask why. I won’t be able to tell you. Just humor me, ok?

I Heard a Rumor Today

I’m a little over all this bullshit drama. But it seems assholes are still assholes even when they’ve been ripped a new asshole. I was actually debating taking this fucking beef somewhere else, but I’ll wait. I’m all patient like that. Like a cat hunting a loon, I’ll watch, wait and carefully consider my next move. If the loon was smart she’d take flight and stay away from the agitated cat.

I’ve got a little tidbits of advice for any crazy bitches little birdies who might flit around this way.

  1. Make sure you don’t have any existing enemies that might know anything about you.
    None. Nada. Zilch. Keep your personal shit to yourself and when you stab your friends in the back, they won’t have any ammo to use against you. For instance, don’t ever claim to be the child of a state attorney general who has argued cases in front of the United States Supreme Court. Some people have access and know how to use services such as Google, Findlaw and the Big Daddy- Westlaw. Someone who you’ve wronged may be more than willing to provide information against you. Such as when people send strangers emails containing a fuckton of shit that was just Wow! {This part was added for clarification.}

  2. Keep a low profile after you’ve already been outed all over the big ol’ Intertoobs.
    When you allow your base instincts to take over again (mostly because you lack the ability to learn from your mistakes) you’re likely to make more enemies. Who needs more than you’ve already got?

  3. Should you ever decide to poke the cat, make sure that you don’t leave trace evidence of who you are at the site of the poking.

    Never use your name in your emails when you try to leave threatening comments. You might as well have left your name and address. That’s so far beyond stupid that stupid looks down right genius.

  4. Learn the definition and legal history of the word “Libel”.

    This is really important because of a certain birdie’s tendency to do such a thing. How many people did she threaten with copyright infringement before someone who is smarter than she wishes they were blew that lie to the wind? Were any of these people using the disputed in the commission of their business? If so, do any of these people realize that the copyright lie has been exposed? Would they like to know? Do they have legal recourse?

  5. Never imply that a lawsuit is in the works unless there is a lawsuit.

    Also, make sure your bank statement is meaty enough to be able to defend such an allegation. In the United States, the burden of proof in a civil action is on the plaintiff. Bringing a lawsuit against a citizen of another country could be exceedingly expensive, but bringing a lawsuit against someone whom you’ve personally wronged? Tsk, tsk.

  6. The FBI?

    If you were to have a person believe that the FBI is indeed involved in a case of copyright infringement (where there is no copyright as evidenced by this post) well that person would be even more stupid than you.
    Because you used “Anonymous” while posting a harassing (blatantly untrue statement made for the purpose of intimidation in this case) you are, in fact, violating the Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act of 2005 (H.R. 3402).

  7. Ignorance of the law is no excuse
  8. Just because someone mailed certain people your true identity (which was never outed on this blog) and those people were able to use Google, does not mean that you are not in violation.
  9. Let sleeping cats lie.

I have a policy on this blog- a policy to which many liberal sites adhere. I don’t ever out people. I might bust your bold-faced lies wide open, but I won’t out you. If you wish to be pseudonymous then that’s fine by me. If someone happens to share your personal information with me I won’t share it publicly. I cannot stop that same person (who contacted me) from contacting other people and giving them that same information.

I strongly disagree with any type of personal outing and will remove myself from that situation- simply because the very act of outing (unless in the commission of a crime) is distasteful for me personally. I just don’t believe in it- unless the person being outed is guilty of a heinous crime (child molestation, for instance) or is, in fact, libeling someone else. I think that someone’s online “personas” are up in the air, especially if those personas have a history of stalking, harassment, and otherwise bullying behavior online. For instance, if “Passion” was doing something and I knew “Passion” to be someone else, I might mention her other name. Maybe.

However, if someone is so crazy to continue along the path she’s going- for instance threatening lawsuits all over the Internet and other unsavory things – then someone might find herself involved in yet another criminal action. I don’t need the attention this could garner me, of course, so it would be all hush-hush (except to the few people with whom I have email and/or telephone contact- I reserve the right to point and laugh at loons). I reiterate that I will not have myself or my blog libeled nor will I be bullied. I have the right to peaceful enjoyment of my domain and to be free of psycho hosebeasts who just don’t know when to quit.

Step down. Take a deep breath. And find some cutie on Craig’s List who might be able to give you the attention you are so craving. It’s not everyone around you that’s out of their minds, you know.

Tip O’ the Hat

Ok, enough with the crap. Who wants to see that shit anyway? Hmm. What you really want to see is Stephen Colbert1. I know this and, because I’m all about my readers, present “Tip O’ the Hat and Wag O’ the Finger” from July 17.

[Edited to add: Safe for work and kids. Not safe for people who dislike hilarity.]

Seriously, watch to the end. But the bit about the Pope (around 2:00) and the billboard (3:18)are, well, comedy gold.

That is all.

Update

How could I forget this clip? More from Stephen. This will definitely appeal to geeks and haters of O’Reilly.

Pay close attention to 2:46. For real.