“I Don’t Get Jealous”

Well, just when I decided whatshisface was starting to grow on me he fucked up. Well, he and his friends fucked up. But he was in the middle of it all and so too bad so sad. I’m not going to to into details about what happened1, but it was really bad. Fuck him. Fuck his friends. Fuck this entire town. That’s all I have to say about that. To them I let my middle finger fly.

I did want to note something funny that this guy said to me. Well, it’s something I hear from every man – including MyDude -and it’s something that is never true2.

“I don’t get jealous. Never. I don’t see the point in it. If a guy can steal the chick I’m with then he can have her.”

Every time I hear this my eye twitches. I know that they believe what they just told me. And maybe they normally don’t get jealous. But it’s usually said to see my reaction and to make sure I won’t flip out if they fuck someone else. And it’s usually proven wrong pretty quickly. MyDude did that shit and it was a disaster. He hated Sam with a passion. The guy before MyDude is literally cyber-stalking me as we speak. The conniving motherfucker just got busted yesterday. He also said he doesn’t get jealous. I also proved him wrong.

Jealousy is a funny emotion in men. Well, what I’ve seen anyway. I like possessive. I like when my menfolk take charge of me while I’m out. I loved when MyDude claimed me in public. I love that. I don’t like the ugly part of it. I don’t like when they pretend that it’s perfectly fine that I’m with another man. I don’t like the explosiveness when they finally realize their little ploy backfired on them. To me it’s a challenge. And a bit insulting. Why would you be ok if I ran off with someone else? Why would it be ok for another man to ease himself into your slot in my life? So I test that. And it’s always bad because I’m a dumbass that is always right. Then, of course, too much damage has been done and POOF! All done.

I’ve only been half-assed talking this new guy. We’ve been out for drinks and fucktardery a couple of times. We kissed. Whatever. Means shit to me. But this guy who doesn’t get jealous has already shown me that he’s not going to do well with me. I told him last night that I couldn’t see him tonight because I have plans. That’s true. Lil’lady’s birthday was yesterday so we’re having a dinner at Millie’s. Afterwards I’m going to my best friend’s house to hang with her. I didn’t tell him all that. I just said I have plans so I can’t see him today at all.

“I have plans tomorrow. IDK. We’ll see what mood I’m in, I suppose. I’m leaning toward no right now.”

His reply?

“No tequila on your date tomorrow” (sent at 2:25am)

Huh. I didn’t mention a date. All I said was I had plans. At this point I’m supposed to explain what my plans are and that I promise I’m not talking to anyone else. Except fuck that. He doesn’t get jealous right? And he’s not may man. Honestly, I barely like the guy. My reply.

“Yeah. That’s hilarious.” And that was that. No more conversation. But I was already pissed at him for something that happened earlier. Furious even. I wanted to punch him straight in his dick. I told him I was angry. I didn’t send him any explanations as to what the exact issue was because he doesn’t matter ultimately. He knew I was pissed about that situation – just not why. At any rate, he hasn’t replied at all. I had told him earlier that I was done with night life in this town and from now on I would party at my house. I very pointedly told him that there was no point in trying to get me to go out. I didn’t flat out tell him to fuck off. This is a situation I’d rather just fade away from.

Earlier he’d asked me about MyDude. I forget what story I was trying to tell, but he interrupted me and said “Is that the guy you’re still in love with?” He wasn’t hearing the story. He wanted to know about MyDude. Well, I don’t want to talk about that with him. Not then. Not now. Maybe not ever. I told him that straight out: “I don’t want to discuss him.” He asked a couple more times. I refused to answer and continued my story. But he didn’t hear me. He wanted to know about his competition. He doesn’t compare, unfortunately, and he’d have known that if I’d have talked about MyDude at all. I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, so I refused to discuss it at all. He can read about it here like the other 20 people who come here.

Then after all that drama and bullshit I get a text from some dude who I’ve been texting with every so often. Nothing exciting, mind you. I want to see if he’s interested in getting to know me as a person instead of what’s in my pants. We were doing ok. Then he texts me “hi” and we have a short chat. Then he blows up my phone. This motherfucker sent me multiple dick pics. I’m pretty sure he was masturbating and sending me pictures of it. I became even more furious. The conversation was so mundane “Hi. Wyd?” “Hi back. At the movies with my daughter” “Oh yeah, what are you seeing?” “Wonder Woman” Bam bam bam bam. Dick pics. I know I didn’t even hint that I wanted to see that shit, so I felt violated. Fuck that. Block, block, delete. Bye, sir.

It’s amazing how brazen men become when they find out a woman is single. Guys, we don’t need to see your penis. It’s ugly and probably looks like the other 100 pics we received. Keep it in your pants. Where’s the mystery? Stop being sluts. Blah blah blah. The next one I get is going up in a photo gallery on this blog and I will use your name and photo to identify you. Of course, the ones I’m getting are from Facebook friends and they don’t get to see this blog. But that doesn’t matter to me. I’ll still do it.

So, I want to talk some more about these guys and their whole “I don’t get jealous” nonsense. I’m not concerned about monogamy because I honestly believe humans aren’t meant to be monogamous. I have rules though. I don’t want to know the other woman, I don’t want to know about their adventures and when he’s with me then that’s my time. No phone calls or texts from other women while he’s with me. And, finally, he has to keep control of his situation. I never, ever want to get into a cat fight over a man. I never want to speak with his other women. I don’t want to know their names and they should never know mine. MyDude broke all of those rules, of course. Anyway, these guys say this stuff and so I take them at their word. Then all hell breaks loose.

Guy before MyDude lost his shit because he saw pics of me and him. Then MyDude couldn’t handle me spending time with Sam3. It drove him all the way around the bend. This guy is already questioning me in ways I’m not comfortable with. I literally got divorced that day and have only been broken up with MyDude for a month and some change. Too soon for him to be peeing on the tree4. Maybe I would’ve let him claim me later on if he hadn’t shown himself to be a fucking creep. And I know he will eventually become the jealous boyfriend if I let him. And I’m not letting him.

I think I subconsciously challenge these guys when they tell me that stupid shit. Oh, you don’t get jealous, huh? Let’s test that theory, shall we? There was one dude back in the 90s, before TheMan, who actually didn’t get jealous at all. He was super sexy and very confident – and very much into me. He said he expected guys to hit on me and that it flattered him. And he knew that he was my first pick. At the time, that was true. We had an very unconventional relationship and it worked well for about a year or so. Then he faded away and I didn’t go looking for him. But he would see me in the club flirting and dancing and just watch me. He wouldn’t say anything or make any effort to pee on the tree. He just watched then collected me at the end of the night if I was still available. Sometimes I would sneak off with someone else and he was fine with that. There was no fighting, no suspicion, no disrespect. Of course, we didn’t get close enough emotionally to mean that much to each other. But he never, ever got jealous. I tried a couple of times and he saw right through me. Why waste the time, he says to me. He’s right. But I can’t help it. It’s like a dare. Watch what I can do. How’s that feel? Dumbass = Me.

Men don’t like when women get jealous so they test us to see if we’re like that. I’m not. I don’t snoop or chase or show up somewhere hoping to bust someone. I did track MyDude once but that’s when he and his baby’s mom made me crazy for a minute. I stopped after that. I didn’t even track TheMan or look at his phone or check his bank account5. I’m not competing with another woman for my man. He either wants me or not and she has very little to do with that. The only time I flip about another woman is when she is actively disrespecting me – as MyDude’s ex did to me. Then that’s a fight for a whole other reason. I don’t fight over a man. And I never expect a man to be faithful. It’s why I have rules and I do, honestly, live by them. I will, though, find myself a secondary if I see my main dude is fucking around. Better believe that.

I’m looking for a good place to end this post so this is it. It doesn’t matter if this guy gets jealous or not at this point. He’s been dismissed. But someone else will pop up and tell me that. And then I will have to decide if I remain true to myself and do what I always do OR pretend I’m a regular woman and put my foot down. Maybe I’ll try the latter this time. Bwahaha. Not bloody likely.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. Shockingly, I don’t actually share everything in my life. []
  2. At least when guys are with me. []
  3. He also almost ripped some guy’s arm off because he was trying to kiss me in the bar. Another time he let some young dude buy me shot after shot then the kid kissed me and MyDude flipped out. []
  4. This is something we say about men marking their territory. MyDude did this all the time without even realizing it. He was all hands on Jinx whenever we were out in public – Lowe’s, Walmart, the parts store. If some other man looked at me then MyDude was either kissing me or hugging me close. Never failed. []
  5. I should have, but I didn’t. []
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