Get Comfortable with Myself

I was fine today. Doing great. Laughing, talking about my trip. Just basically a ball of energy. Then I went to my appointment. Welp. There went that mood.

“I need a rebound.”

“No. You need to take time. A rebound wouldn’t help you that way. You need to process.”

“It’s been long enough. I’m too angry about what happened. I’m too protective of him. It’s all wrong.”

“What is?”

“I shouldn’t care anymore. I’ve always hated my exes for a while. I should be done with this one.”

“It’s been a month. How long do you think grief takes?”

“In this situation? One month.”

“Not for you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you love him.”

“He never believed that and that makes me sad. No. I’m just too protective. There’s a problem there. It’s wrong and fucking stupid.”

“Jen, you’re still protective because you do love him. That’s actually very healthy. Your process is taking however long you need. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah, there is. There’s no good reason. He’s a grown man. He doesn’t need me to mother him.”

“You’ve been through a lot in your life and what you do is try to protect the people you love, don’t you?”

“Or throw them out and take back all the toys.”

That is your defense mechanism. When you’re hurt you lash out. That’s another issue. You need to take time to get comfortable with yourself again.”

Get comfortable with myself again.

Oh, the good ol’ days when things were oh-so simple. I didn’t get to that point for a long time after Bobby. I didn’t stop dating though. I went out, but it was so casual. I think it was when I met my bar buddy. He helped me along. But he was a rebound and ended up hating me forever1. He’s a story that maybe I’ll tell another time. I know I was with him when I started getting annoyed with men being around all the time. I loved it when he just went the fuck home.

I read her the open letter and another post where I was particularly bitchy. She didn’t bat an eye2 How is that at all healthy? I think this is where I’m confused and think she might be full of it. I thought I was done with that nonsense. Nope. Does that make me nuts?

Yes, yes it does.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. His hatred of me is justified. []
  2. She laughed at the “gift” I left in one of the posts. It’s really cute though. []
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