Do Not Google

I went to hang out with a long-time friend who is also a man. I’ve known him since I was 14. He’s a hoot. Anyway, we didn’t hang out during my relationship with the young dude because dude was super jealous. He was convinced my friend wants to get in my pants1. Anyway, he asked me to hang with him and I said “sure”. He’s funny and we cut up. What better medicine for a broken heart?

Turns out he’s just been through a breakup too. Or, at least, he and his girl are fighting. We talked about the strains of being in a relationship and what people expect from us for a while. It was kind of refreshing to talk to a dude about all this stuff – because I get to see inside a man’s head. His girl asked him if he wanted to come sit at her job until she got off. He wanted to go home so told her that and to text him when she got home. He told me that she just kept asking the same question until finally he said he’d already answered her. Her response? “But it’s not the answer I was looking for.”

What is so fucking hard about telling someone you care about “I would like for you to come here and keep me company?” I have no idea. He laughed when I asked that. “Exactly.” She was doing the whole hint-until-he-gets-it thing. Everyone hates that shit. That’s some nonsense TheMan would’ve pulled. Then, of course, these people get irate when they’re hint doesn’t go over as well as they’d thought.

So, I guess they’re not talking anymore. At least not for a while. He sounded like that made him a little sad. I told him the bare bones about what happened with my young dude. He offered no sage advice or any other comment. He just nodded. No apparent judgement. And that was the end of that subject. He understood that I love my dude. He understood that I’m also doomed.

So, the convo turned to other things and we started talking about the interwebz, memes and the devil’s own website, Facebook. I told him about some of my most magnificent trolls and how some of them became my friends. The conversation turned to some of the things I’ve come across. I recounted the first time I ever saw a goatse. He looked confused. I laughed. Oh, yeah?

I pulled out my phone and googled the image. His reaction was priceless. For the record, he knew it was going to be gross. He was prepared for that2 and yet… He was not at all prepared. I must’ve laughed for a full 5 minutes. It was a bad way to get a laugh, but I have no regrets.

It’s also a good way to dissuade any kind of ideas. I’m too gross to be taken seriously as a rebound now. I hoped he didn’t make any moves, but just in case I deployed the “I’m no lady, champ” defense missile. It works in most cases. Also, he bought me skittles. Sure sign that I need to get ahead of this disaster before it even unfolds. Otherwise, I was glad to get out of the house and around someone with my sense of humor.

On another note: My other sister told me today that my young dude’s grandmother goes to her church and asked my sister to pray for him. My sister then told her to please pray for me. So, yeah, that’s not at all weird.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. Doesn’t matter that he should trust me or that we’ve been friends so long without ever engaging with each other romantically or sexually. []
  2. This is the conversation we were having. []
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