TheMan Has Lost His Mind

So, I have a funny story. Oh, yes. It is hilarious.

I have the littles this weekend. Lil’lady went with her dad to take Millie to lunch. I spent most of my time dodging Lil’est as she jabbers in my ear1. I haven’t bothered to even put on makeup today. No point in it. Today is Read More

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. She’s still at it. Gods bless her. []

Dreaming and Wishing and Reality Bites

I had some pretty vivid dreams last night. I woke up scratching my head. They weren’t what you’re thinking, though.

I dreamt that Sen. Sherrod Brown brought a posse of people to my house for a photo op. Except it wasn’t my house – it was a trailer. And I never did see Brown in my dream. I came out of the bedroom to a room full of people and zoomed in on someone in a chair. It was Sen. Tammy Duckworth. Of course, I swooned like any proper fangirl would do. I told a funny joke. She laughed, but one her aides got pissed. “That is highly inappropriate. She is a sitting U.S. Senator.” I didn’t feel the least bit ashamed and just told the aide she was a stick in the mud.

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I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia

About a month and a half ago I was crying and asking my gods why the fuck don’t I get some good karma for once. I was sad and miserable and empty. I felt like my gods and ancestors were just playing with me for cruel shits and giggles. Like they were continually punishing for something I couldn’t fathom I did.

But I was so wrong. In fact, I am a very blessed person.

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I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

Meeting New People is Hard

So, I was hanging with my friend again, but this time we were at another friend’s house. Well, his friend’s house – not mine. I don’t recall ever meeting her. I must have though, because she’s lived here her entire life and used to hang with some of the same people I did. Of course, during and immediately after high school I didn’t seek out new friends. I was a busy girl. Then I met Bobby and we became a social scene all our own. Anyway…

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I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

UPDATED: My Phone Hates Me

Updated Below:
This is just not funny anymore. So, sometimes my phone just opens and does weird shit. Sometimes it plays music, sometimes it opens my notes. Today it opened an old text. I look down to check Twitter and what do I see? This text:

He could be so sweet

This says “So, []1 looks me straight in the eye. Eyeball to eyeball. He say [sic] ‘I love you so much. I’m so lucky.’ Awww.”

This was not too long before everything blew up. This is an example of why everything has been so confusing to me. This man loved me. He used to do that kind of stuff all the time. But then he… I don’t know. It is what it is now, I guess. Everything happens for a reason blah blah fucking blah.

My phone – or the sly little ghost that’s haunting me – is a cruel, cruel beast.

Update:

Got a surprise for you nonbelievers.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. It’s his real name in the picture. []

And here she is in all her glory

So, I found this of the Lilith – doing her part to make sure trash multiplies. She’s very good at this or so her ex and 100% of the friends of his I’ve met have said.

Toxic Cumdumpster at work
I am not the father
Her boyfriend after each of her pregnancies
When you can’t get your daddy to love you so you go for the next best thing.
When you really want to spend time with your mom so you work together.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

So This Happened

I have a funny story. Well, kind of funny and weird. Usually I’d say ‘oh, this is for sure a sign from the gods’ but I’m not so faithful anymore. It was a hilarious coincidence.

So, I’m minding my own business at the Devil’s Own Box Store1, talking on my phone when BAM! She walks around the corner. I knew immediately who she was, even though we’d never met. And she very obviously recognized me. Her eyes must’ve gotten as big as mine before she bowed her head and moved around me. I’m still trying to remind myself that there was no sign. But what a fucking coincidence.

So, when Lucifer and I were together he had a particularly upset member of his harem. This chick hated me with a passion2. I only know this because she made it known. I don’t know if she was trying to intimidate me or what. It didn’t work. I was not at all impressed back then.

Lucifer showed me her pictures and told me a funny story about how she was deathly afraid of raccoons. I love raccoons, so this was hilarious to me. She’s a city chick and actual wild animals can be very, very scary. But the motherfucker was in a tree outside of his window. That story and some bits about what she did for a living were all I really knew about her. He did tell me she was well put-together and very beautiful in person. That was nice3 and I didn’t even give a shit. By then I was all about hating Horseface and I can only hate one “other woman” at a time.

He did ask me if I’d like a threesome with her once. We both declined his invitation.

Now, Lucifer and I had rules about this sort of thing. I was never to know nor be approached by any other woman he’s messing with. He was to keep these women in check and they should never, ever know who I am. On his part he wanted to know when I was seeing other people4. This chick decided to comment on a post in which I’d tagged him. I didn’t respond to her. Instead I showed him my phone and he knew just what to do.

She never communicated with me again.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. Just some backstory. So, I’m just standing in the aisle, almost nose-to-nose with this chick, and I notice something. She’s not wearing makeup and she looks considerably older than in her facebook photos (surprise, surprise). She looked like an average 30-something woman with no makeup on, really. For my part, I was in the same boat. Hair pulled up, no makeup – just here for some floor cleaner, folks. I knew I looked a right mess. I cannot hide my thoughts, so I’m sure she was quite aware that I was giving her the once over. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I was standing there googly-eyed with my mouth open. Dur.

Now, the question as to why she was at my Walmart… She doesn’t live down here. She’s got about 3 Walmarts between here and there. So I immediately wondered why she was in my little corner of BFE. Then another lady caught up with. This woman was obviously her mother and she very obviously belongs down here. Ahhh. Ok then. Well, now I know.

I can see why he’d choose her though. She’s not ugly. And with makeup she’s stunning, I guess. Good for him.

Here’s where my idiot mind went: I’ve been thinking about Lucifer a lot lately. Sure, it’s generally in connection with my horrid love life overall and Sam particularly, but I’m having good thoughts about him. Nah, man. Nope. Take back the power of your brain, JJ. Anyway, I happened upon a video of him and I together in an account I’d forgotten5. And now I’ve seen another member of the harem from when I was a part of said harem.

What’s going on right now? What the actual fuck is going on right now. First I have a weirdo stalker6 and now I’m seeing blasts from my past with Lucifer. I mean, I really shouldn’t see his people. They’re far enough away that I should probably only run into people who knew him when we were a couple. That’s it. And this woman? This particular woman was a part of my life, but on the edges. We were connected by one person. Now, he’s far away from either of us. How fucking funny is that?

I’m curious as to her thought process when she recognized me. She knew right away. Right away. The two of us had never met in person so I know it’s because Lucifer showed her my pictures. She was obviously taken aback. Will she tell him she saw me? They’re still friends as far as I know, but who knows for sure.

Honestly, Lucifer had some good taste in women. Not going to lie. Suave motherfucker had a beautiful lineup. Even Horseface is pretty in her own horse-faced way. He didn’t mess with skanks openly. And he never spoke bad of any of the women. Horseface was a good mom, though she was untreated bipolar7. This one is a hard worker with a smashing body. There was this other one who had a pretty singing voice. Really, I think the only one he even said a crass word about was his primary supply. He used the fact that she withheld visitation as a way to garner my sympathy. As soon as he saw how passionately opposed to that bullshit I was, well, he amped it up a bit. Ultimately, though, even she is not horrible. She’s got a good life – job, car, her own place. All of us were chosen for that particular list.

At any rate, he told me once that he didn’t date unattractive or stupid women8). He told me the problems in this relationship or that one were his fault. He made sure to be as sympathetic as possible. Like I said before, when we were out together he was very proud to claim me. Hugs, hand-holding, kissing. Oh, how little I realized back then.

This is another way that Sam and he are different. Sam has told me some pretty disgusting things about his past girlfriends. As if he was proud of how skanky they were and how bad they let him treat them. He told me his baby’s mother used to crawl in through his bedroom window to come see him because he was too ashamed to let anyone see her come through the front door. He told me stories. Anyway, all of his ex-girlfriend stories are really bad. But here’s the thing about that. It changed the way I looked at him. I asked him once “You love women with daddy issues who will bow to your every whim. They’re all skanks. What’s that say about you and me?”

No answer. I didn’t elaborate and it probably didn’t click with him. Every time he dogged his exes in the manner that he did made me wonder about him and why he was with me. I don’t like toxic Lilith9 for good reasons. The other one… that one I’m more sympathetic toward. But he told me shit she did too. I have opinions about all of it. Most of them to do with his own choice in who to be with.

Fun fact: I will never fuck any of his friends. I won’t allow him to pass me around. I won’t be caught dead going from fucking him to fucking someone else without even a shower between. How disgusting is that? Learn to use a condom for fuck’s sake. And have some self-respect. Also? He could actually take me out in public and be proud – as old as I am. He could actually trust me. Ahem

So, anyway, that happened and I’m all “hmm, so weird”. I wonder how long before I get an email “Hey, been thinking a lot about you lately…” I hate him with a passion, but I’d hook up. No lie.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. WalMart []
  2. Lucifer was no doubt triangulating with her as well. []
  3. He was never one to talk bad about anyone he was with. We were a reflection of him and if he talked bad about us then it would look bad on him. He only chose a certain type of woman. The kind that was “undercover sexy” – meaning we didn’t advertise our goods for the entire world to see. Except this one. It was her job. []
  4. Until I actually told him. Then that rule changed with the quickness. []
  5. Deleting other stuff. But that video makes me smile. I remember that night. It was fantabulous. []
  6. She makes it easy. []
  7. She is probably suffering from dealing with his shit. []
  8. All of us are stupid to a degree. We all share him in common. []
  9. She came into my driveway and tried to have sex with my man. C’mon, now. And now she’s watching everything I write like it’s fucking gospel. Come the fuck on, now. []

Do Not Google

I went to hang out with a long-time friend who is also a man. I’ve known him since I was 14. He’s a hoot. Anyway, we didn’t hang out during my relationship with the young dude because dude was super jealous. He was convinced my friend wants to get in my pants1. Anyway, he asked me to hang with him and I said “sure”. He’s funny and we cut up. What better medicine for a broken heart?

Turns out he’s just been through a breakup too. Or, at least, he and his girl are fighting. We talked about the strains of being in a relationship and what people expect from us for a while. It was kind of refreshing to talk to a dude about all this stuff – because I get to see inside a man’s head. His girl asked him if he wanted to come sit at her job until she got off. He wanted to go home so told her that and to text him when she got home. He told me that she just kept asking the same question until finally he said he’d already answered her. Her response? “But it’s not the answer I was looking for.”

What is so fucking hard about telling someone you care about “I would like for you to come here and keep me company?” I have no idea. He laughed when I asked that. “Exactly.” She was doing the whole hint-until-he-gets-it thing. Everyone hates that shit. That’s some nonsense TheMan would’ve pulled. Then, of course, these people get irate when they’re hint doesn’t go over as well as they’d thought.

So, I guess they’re not talking anymore. At least not for a while. He sounded like that made him a little sad. I told him the bare bones about what happened with my young dude. He offered no sage advice or any other comment. He just nodded. No apparent judgement. And that was the end of that subject. He understood that I love my dude. He understood that I’m also doomed.

So, the convo turned to other things and we started talking about the interwebz, memes and the devil’s own website, Facebook. I told him about some of my most magnificent trolls and how some of them became my friends. The conversation turned to some of the things I’ve come across. I recounted the first time I ever saw a goatse. He looked confused. I laughed. Oh, yeah?

I pulled out my phone and googled the image. His reaction was priceless. For the record, he knew it was going to be gross. He was prepared for that2 and yet… He was not at all prepared. I must’ve laughed for a full 5 minutes. It was a bad way to get a laugh, but I have no regrets.

It’s also a good way to dissuade any kind of ideas. I’m too gross to be taken seriously as a rebound now. I hoped he didn’t make any moves, but just in case I deployed the “I’m no lady, champ” defense missile. It works in most cases. Also, he bought me skittles. Sure sign that I need to get ahead of this disaster before it even unfolds. Otherwise, I was glad to get out of the house and around someone with my sense of humor.

On another note: My other sister told me today that my young dude’s grandmother goes to her church and asked my sister to pray for him. My sister then told her to please pray for me. So, yeah, that’s not at all weird.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. Doesn’t matter that he should trust me or that we’ve been friends so long without ever engaging with each other romantically or sexually. []
  2. This is the conversation we were having. []

Cause I’m alive and like dem Trolls

Hey! Guess what? I’m alive! I know, I know, you knew that and you knew I’m a big ol’ slacker who sometimes doesn’t update her blog for months at a time. But who cares what you know? Ha!

So, I’m done with my other, other job. Thank the gods. I was doing answering service crap and it was ok money but it was, indeed, crap. And temporary. So now I’m back and can once again pretend I’m important in my online world. Sadly, I’m not overly angry about anything political because I’ve actually not been keeping up with politics. I’m pretty sure Obama is still a disappointment, we’re still in Iraq and I still don’t have medical insurance. So, nothing new happening. I’m terribly shocked (though I did see that Palin has resigned her governorship and think that’s highly amusing).

I did just read a couple of posts regarding trolls on the BlogHer site1 and thought it was an interesting topic. Of course, my idea of a troll differs greatly from the authors of the posts I read. They seem to follow the Markified definition of troll which is:

Troll: noun; markified
1.) anyone that has the audacity to disagree with me in my own blog comments
2.) anyone that engages in (1) and then returns to keep engaging in said disagreement
3.) anyone that hurts my feelings on the intertoobs in any way, shape or form

My idea of a troll is just someone who jumps in a conversation and screams “U’re a DIK!” or some such nonsense with the sole intent of getting shit stirred up. But I guess I’m very strange that way because I don’t find disagreement all that bad (if I did some of my favorite people would be my very own trolls…bleh) and it’s incredibly hard to hurt my feelings2.

So, anyway… These fine ladies were discussing ways that they deal with their “trolls”. They do the IP banning, closing of the comments, comment registration, and other things of that nature to try to keep the troll out completely. I guess if you really prefer to not see what they have to say, that’s fine. And most people are more sensible and less of a smart ass than I, so these solutions make sense to a certain degree. A good troll, though, will find ways to get under your skin once they know they’re slowing driving you insane. After myself and some of my cohorts were declared Markified trolls, we did childishly3 engage in some of these tactics. Eventually our boredom and immaturity lead someone not-so-near-and-dear to change urls and close us off completely. Mwahaha!!! I am deeply ashamed. ahem

But I digress.

I haven’t had many of my type of trolls here, but I’ve got my own way of dealing with them that reverses their efforts and can drive them insane– instead of them driving me insane. And this is what I mean in my comment policy when I say I will edit your comment if you’re trolling. Let’s say Troll A leaves the following comment:

YOU SUCK AND OBAMA ISN’T A LEGAL CITIZEN AND SARAH PALIN IS QUEEN AND YOU SUCK SOME MORE, OBAMASUCKER!

(I did have a comment similar to that from a PUMA. Oh, good times.)

So, I see this comment and giggle like a raving lunatic because, dur, I have editorial independence here on my own blog. So, the comment becomes:

You are so awesome and I love your blog! I’m going to come back every day to see what new and interesting things you write. I love you!!!!!!!!

Or something equally disgusting. And then the games begin. This is where you put on comment moderation and turn off user comment editing (if you have it). Now Troll A will come back to say that she didn’t leave that damned comment and how dare you edit her free speech that way. But the comment goes to moderation, where you once again allow her to express her undying love and adoration. Which makes her even more mad and causes her to break her exclamation point and her caps lock as she emphasizes how EVIL YOU ARE!!!!!!!! for editing her own words.

And this happens again and again until you get bored and leave her comments in moderation because yawn she’s off the deep end and you’ve lost interest. Or she goes away frustrated and starts a hate blog. Whichever comes first. When one of those two things happen, you’ve won.

No need to respond to the troll, of course, after you’ve changed their hate to love. Unless you want to twist the knife and thank them for all the flowery love and admiration. They will scream at their monitor and pound on their keyboard but your regular readers and commenters don’t have to know that. They will just think you have some weird, overly sweet stalker friend. And who doesn’t love admirers?

Of course, this only works if you’re a smart ass and you don’t mind causing someone you’ve never known some personal angst4. Shoot, if you’re like me you’ll have a great time dealing with that troll for the little they come ’round to your spot. Share the hilarity with your friends. Nothing wrong with some evil laughter directed at psychos, right? Oh, and this never works for someone who is a Markified troll because, um, that person is not a troll. Just sayin’

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Sphere: Related Content

  1. I have no idea how I ended up there, but whatever. []
  2. Hint: To succeed in hurting my feelings you should be someone I care about otherwise you’re wasting your time. []
  3. Hilariousally!! []
  4. Revenge is sweet sometimes, ya know. []

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.