Me & My Demon alternatively I Am My Demon

I’ve had occasion to discuss my demon before. I call her an evil bitch, but that’s not really the case at all. She’s evil to everyone else. To me she’s a flaming sword.

The other day I asked someone “do you think in words or images?” It was an interesting conversation. One that I really want to explore. I asked her what would happen if I asked her to describe something how would she think about the something? She said she thinks in words. I think of different concepts in images. I can describe it to you in words, but it’s formed a shape in my mind – even concepts that don’t have a visual cue get one in my mind.
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I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

Back When I was Blonde

So, I was browsing through my photos and what do I come across?

Me with blonde hair! Actually, I’m in a wig, but whatever. I was still cute even at the ripe old age of 43 (which was when this was taken). I like my hair darker because it makes me look all sultry1. I’m all sorts of versatile.

Oh, the memories.

JJ with Blonde Hair
Blonde JJ

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. Or as Lucifer’s Horseface said once “like a Mexican Gangsta Whore”. Ha! []

Ghosts are Bothering Me

Lil’lady and I are by ourselves now. No more roommates. No live-in boyfriends. No one to hide my stuff from. Today my plan is to move things I’ve been storing in my room to another room, bring a cabinet downstairs, and generally get used to living just the two of us. This is the first time in her life that is has been just the two of us. So, what’d she do yesterday? Locked us out. Oh, gotta love it. Anyway, it’s going to take a bit more adjusting to get used to this, but… We’ll be moving again soon. I’m not staying in this house when I don’t need those extra rooms. I want to move away from Ohio, to be honest, but that’s probably not going to pop off anytime soon. I will move from this gods-awful town, though. Rest assured about that. I don’t need to be reminded of everything I’ve lost while I’ve been here. Not anymore. There’s no point to it.

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I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

Dreaming and Wishing and Reality Bites

I had some pretty vivid dreams last night. I woke up scratching my head. They weren’t what you’re thinking, though.

I dreamt that Sen. Sherrod Brown brought a posse of people to my house for a photo op. Except it wasn’t my house – it was a trailer. And I never did see Brown in my dream. I came out of the bedroom to a room full of people and zoomed in on someone in a chair. It was Sen. Tammy Duckworth. Of course, I swooned like any proper fangirl would do. I told a funny joke. She laughed, but one her aides got pissed. “That is highly inappropriate. She is a sitting U.S. Senator.” I didn’t feel the least bit ashamed and just told the aide she was a stick in the mud.

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I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

M.I.N.E (End This Way)

Everybody hurts
Everybody bleeds
Everybody bends to fill a need
Everybody’s born with their own curse
And I’m not alone

Everybody cries
Everybody breathes
Everybody wants to feel they’re free
Deep inside I know what I am worth
A life of my own

It could have been much worse
But it should have been better

I know I’d hurt you, deserted you
And now I see it clear
I pulled you closer, tighter
‘Cause I knew you’d disappear

I just can’t compromise, apologize
There’s nothing you can say
We both knew
It would always end this way

Everybody pains
Everybody grieves
Everybody’s making off like thieves
Every soul’s aching for release
You’re not alone

Everybody lives
Everybody leaves
Everybody begs best on their knees
Everybody’s got the same disease
No one’s alone

It could have been much worse
But it should have been better

I know I’d hurt you, deserted you
And now I see it clear
I pulled you closer, tighter
‘Cause I knew you’d disappear

I just can’t compromise, apologize
There’s nothing you can say
We both knew
It’d always end this way

Knew it’d end this way
We knew it’d end this way

I know I’d hurt you, deserted you
And now I see it clear
I pulled you closer, tighter
‘Cause I knew you’d disappear

I just can’t compromise, apologize
There’s nothing you can say
We both knew
It would always end this way

We both know
It’d always end this way

We both knew
It would always end this way

Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Jason Thomas Grinstead / Jeremy Spencer Heyde / Kane Gregory Churko / Kevin Gregory Churko / Zoltan Bathory
M.I.N.E lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Cadium Music Publishing

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

“Not Meant to Be”

It’s never enough to say I’m sorry
It’s never enough to say I care
But I’m caught between what you wanted from me
And knowing that if I give that to you
I might just disappear

Nobody wins when everyone’s losing

It’s like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you’re always mad
And I, I can’t change your mind
I know it’s like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can’t give you what you want
And it’s killing me
And I, I’m starting to see
Maybe we’re not meant to be

It’s never enough to say I love you
No, it’s never enough to say I try
It’s hard to believe
That there’s no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our lives

Nobody wins when everyone’s losing

It’s like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you’re always mad
And I, I can’t change your mind
I know it’s like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can’t give you what you want
And it’s killing me
And I, I’m starting to see
Maybe we’re not meant to be

There’s still time to turn this around
You could build this up instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it’s too late

It’s like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you’re always mad
And I, I can’t change your mind
I know it’s like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can’t give you what you want
And it’s killing me
And I, I’m starting to see
Maybe we’re not meant to be

It’s like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you’re always mad
And I, baby I’m sorry to see
Maybe we’re not meant to be

“Not Meant to Be” as written by David J. Brenner David Brenner

Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

“Tomorrow”

I wrote some stuff below.

The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There’ll be sun!

Just thinkin’ about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
‘Til there’s none!

When I’m stuck in a day
That’s gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh

The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
‘Til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!

You’re always
A day
A way!

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!

You’re always
A day
A way!

Tomorrow at this time I’ll be on a plane to Atlanta, Georgia. I’m really excited and nervous and a little bit extra nuts. Got my hair and nails did1. Got my bags packed. I’m ready, yo.

Yesterday was really stressful2 and I’m hoping that’s the end of whatever I have coming my way. It wasn’t so bad that I’m losing my shit, but it was close. There was some fun to be had at our regional meeting yesterday. I think the sirs caught wind of my romantic status. I seem to be giving off that “I’m totally single and you suck” vibe already. Mofos were busy stressing. And I’m pretty one of the big guys was flirting with me. I’m almost positive. I don’t want to sleep with him3 but it made me feel good.

That’s all from me today, folks. I’ve got a busy day today. That other post I was talking about is coming soon. It’s taking some time to get together. What the fuck am I thinking? I write my best stuff without thinking much about what I’m writing. This better be good.

Until then keep your eyes peeled for stories of antics from my trip.

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

  1. Actually did them myself, but who cares? []
  2. No, I don’t want to write about that particular incident. []
  3. Nooooooo []