Above Me?

#AmWriting

You’re “above” me?

Motherfucker, you’re so far beneath me you see the bottom of my feet when you look up. I reached down into the gutter and pulled you from the shit in which you were wallowing. I gave you the means to pretend to be a man for a while. I made you look good to people who would never have looked your way otherwise. And like the TAPEWORM you are, you took and took and took until I was depleted. Then your snake ass moved on to the next victim. She’s done with you now? Imagine that. I sympathize with her.

And where are you now? Back where I found you. Right back where you belong. Because you don’t have what it takes to be on my level. You don’t have what it takes to maintain the facade you make without someone like me to hold you in place. We make your man act look legit. Otherwise you never succeed. You’re not capable.

I am ashamed that I let someone as small as you steal my heart. I’m ashamed of what I did to try to make you happy. I’m ashamed of almost all of it. Except how I helped a pitiful person at rock bottom. I’m not ashamed that my character couldn’t look away. Was I stupid? Yup. But I tried to do something good at the time. I’m ashamed I believed that you were worth that – that I believed you were a good person.

I’m ashamed that still care enough to get pissed at you. There is no point to you in my life. I’m ashamed that I expended so much emotional capital in you. Those puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears are really good weapons. But your eyes are mirrors instead of windows. I was looking at my own damned self.

You’re above me? You were lucky I looked down and saw you at all. I improved your life immeasurably. I was a fucking gift to you. Where is my thanks? Where is HER thanks? She did even more for you than I did. She made you look like you were a good family man. That was a valuable crutch. Did you think you’re better than her too?

Crawl back out of that shit on your own, dude. Do it without sucking the life from another female. Do it like a man. Then you might be on my level.

The funny part? I’m just some lowly schlub. How far down are you to be below me?

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

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