Cause I’m alive and like dem Trolls

Hey! Guess what? I’m alive! I know, I know, you knew that and you knew I’m a big ol’ slacker who sometimes doesn’t update her blog for months at a time. But who cares what you know? Ha!

So, I’m done with my other, other job. Thank the gods. I was doing answering service crap and it was ok money but it was, indeed, crap. And temporary. So now I’m back and can once again pretend I’m important in my online world. Sadly, I’m not overly angry about anything political because I’ve actually not been keeping up with politics. I’m pretty sure Obama is still a disappointment, we’re still in Iraq and I still don’t have medical insurance. So, nothing new happening. I’m terribly shocked (though I did see that Palin has resigned her governorship and think that’s highly amusing).

I did just read a couple of posts regarding trolls on the BlogHer site1 and thought it was an interesting topic. Of course, my idea of a troll differs greatly from the authors of the posts I read. They seem to follow the Markified definition of troll which is:

Troll: noun; markified
1.) anyone that has the audacity to disagree with me in my own blog comments
2.) anyone that engages in (1) and then returns to keep engaging in said disagreement
3.) anyone that hurts my feelings on the intertoobs in any way, shape or form

My idea of a troll is just someone who jumps in a conversation and screams “U’re a DIK!” or some such nonsense with the sole intent of getting shit stirred up. But I guess I’m very strange that way because I don’t find disagreement all that bad (if I did some of my favorite people would be my very own trolls…bleh) and it’s incredibly hard to hurt my feelings2.

So, anyway… These fine ladies were discussing ways that they deal with their “trolls”. They do the IP banning, closing of the comments, comment registration, and other things of that nature to try to keep the troll out completely. I guess if you really prefer to not see what they have to say, that’s fine. And most people are more sensible and less of a smart ass than I, so these solutions make sense to a certain degree. A good troll, though, will find ways to get under your skin once they know they’re slowing driving you insane. After myself and some of my cohorts were declared Markified trolls, we did childishly3 engage in some of these tactics. Eventually our boredom and immaturity lead someone not-so-near-and-dear to change urls and close us off completely. Mwahaha!!! I am deeply ashamed. ahem

But I digress.

I haven’t had many of my type of trolls here, but I’ve got my own way of dealing with them that reverses their efforts and can drive them insane– instead of them driving me insane. And this is what I mean in my comment policy when I say I will edit your comment if you’re trolling. Let’s say Troll A leaves the following comment:


(I did have a comment similar to that from a PUMA. Oh, good times.)

So, I see this comment and giggle like a raving lunatic because, dur, I have editorial independence here on my own blog. So, the comment becomes:

You are so awesome and I love your blog! I’m going to come back every day to see what new and interesting things you write. I love you!!!!!!!!

Or something equally disgusting. And then the games begin. This is where you put on comment moderation and turn off user comment editing (if you have it). Now Troll A will come back to say that she didn’t leave that damned comment and how dare you edit her free speech that way. But the comment goes to moderation, where you once again allow her to express her undying love and adoration. Which makes her even more mad and causes her to break her exclamation point and her caps lock as she emphasizes how EVIL YOU ARE!!!!!!!! for editing her own words.

And this happens again and again until you get bored and leave her comments in moderation because yawn she’s off the deep end and you’ve lost interest. Or she goes away frustrated and starts a hate blog. Whichever comes first. When one of those two things happen, you’ve won.

No need to respond to the troll, of course, after you’ve changed their hate to love. Unless you want to twist the knife and thank them for all the flowery love and admiration. They will scream at their monitor and pound on their keyboard but your regular readers and commenters don’t have to know that. They will just think you have some weird, overly sweet stalker friend. And who doesn’t love admirers?

Of course, this only works if you’re a smart ass and you don’t mind causing someone you’ve never known some personal angst4. Shoot, if you’re like me you’ll have a great time dealing with that troll for the little they come ’round to your spot. Share the hilarity with your friends. Nothing wrong with some evil laughter directed at psychos, right? Oh, and this never works for someone who is a Markified troll because, um, that person is not a troll. Just sayin’

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  1. I have no idea how I ended up there, but whatever. []
  2. Hint: To succeed in hurting my feelings you should be someone I care about otherwise you’re wasting your time. []
  3. Hilariousally!! []
  4. Revenge is sweet sometimes, ya know. []

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.