A Small Note on Foul Language

Oh, Obscenities, how I love thee. Let me count the ways.

I use obscenities a lot here on ye ol’ Fabulously Jinxed. I have often told people that I’m crude and my writing is not for the faint of heart (or eyeballs). I have received email from concerned netizens who tell me that my writing would be so much better without the foul language1. I do not, however, carry that language to places that do not appreciate and/or adore it. I try to be respectful of the safe places people have where they’re not overwhelmed with low-class mutterings such as those I prefer. When I venture into such places, I will temper my writing and become less, um, colorful to satisfy the establishment rules. I do not, however, ever camouflage a fine curse word with such characters as @, # or *. This is even more lazy than the obscenities I love to throw down.

Here’s the thing, there really are other words to substitute for the undesirable words. For instance, I have seen sh*t because the writer is either loathe to be seen in the company of such language or because the site forbids it. Why bother to put in one little asterisk? Why not search for a better, less offensive word? For instance, instead of <em>shit</em>, maybe “crap” or “poo” or even “monkey excrement”. The camouflaging is cheap and, quite frankly, lazy.

“Lazy, Jennyjinx? Why aren’t you the lazy one with all your obscene and disgusting language?”

When I say “fuck” on my blog, it’s like I’m in my house saying the word. I use it like it’s my job. I have variations such as: fuck a duck in a truck, fuckity fuck, fuckola and just plain HOLY FUCK. Around the more sensitive and polite folk that I happen to know and who happen to venture into my home I may instead use: flippin’, flappin’ chicken wings and Holy Shinola. These are my attempts at keeping it clean. Honestly, it’s not that cute when a three year-old child flings an f-bomb, so I’ve always been a little careful around Lil’lady and her Holier-Than-Thou grandmother2. Instead of “son-of-a-bitch” I say “son-of-a-cockroach” and such similarly ridiculous little phrases that eliminate the words I want, but allow the meaning of them shine through. Do I really need them? Probably not. But I wouldn’t be myself without them and I just love making up my own off-the-wall phrases and words. It’s part of my charm.

I’m sorry. Did someone tell you I was a lady? You should smack them for lying to you because that shit is not true.

Back to the point I was trying to make. There are many people that are genuinely offended and appalled at such brazen and lazy language. That’s fine. Guess what else I have in my arsenal? A thesaurus! Can you believe that nonsense3? I do happen to know quite a few words that will get my point across just as strongly as those ever-lovin’ f-bombs, but sometimes I can’t grasp them4 and when I’m on my own turf I don’t really need them. I do find them when I’m on someone else’s turf, though, if I’m given enough time. Considering how many people I’ve offended without having used the “naughty” words I’m pretty sure I can get some kind of point across too. As such you will never see me masking my curses with # or * or %%, because I will find another word to replace them altogether.

I honestly can’t stand those lame attempts to write the curse without actually writing it. “Look here! I know a cuss word, but I’m too genteel to use it. Ha!” Then why the fuck even bring it up? If you can’t or won’t use the word, why even type a small part of it? Search deep into your vast language resources and find something else to replace it altogether. Is that how you say them when you speak? “Oh, sh-exclamation point-teh!”5 “F-asterisk percent sign-K you!”6 Really? Somehow I doubt that.

Ok, so you really don’t want anyone googling you and finding out that you use “that” kind of language. I get that. I can even empathize with and respect that. But you’re not hiding shit behind a little asterisk and an exclamation point. Most people over 13 know what the hell you’re trying to say without actually saying it. They are not fooled in the least little bit. They know you’re hiding something deep and ugly. Why else would you be using any part of those words to begin with? If you want to take the high road and leave us foul-mouthed fuckheads down in the gutters where we belong, then just don’t use the bad words. Do like everyone in my life has ever told me: develop your vocabulary. And then run with it.

I mean, d-word, that s-word is kinda f-word lame. Dontcha think? Just sayin’ g-word it.

A challenge to all mah peeps:

Please tell me the different and unusual ways you cuss without actually doing it. And don’t be lame either. Getting a bigger vocabulary was already mentioned. Please do get creative and give those poor asterisks abusers some fine ideas7.

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  1. These usually give me much enjoyment and I sometimes post them. []
  2. Also known as Millie, who is the bane of my very existence. []
  3. See? I could have said “shit”, but chose a more family-friendly word instead. []
  4. FMS kind of made me stupid. []
  5. Translation: Oh, shit! []
  6. Translation: Fuck you! []
  7. And me too as I love to say new an interesting variations on my old favorites []

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

Floating Boobies

Most of the people I follow on Twitter are progressive or liberal.  I like reading their various views on things and following their links. Mostly. Today a lot of them were pissing me off. I was in a foul mood anyway, so it didn’t take much to set me off. And I have no idea why I expected more from a group of people that laugh hysterically at Rush Limbaugh’s man-boobs (though he does so deserve to be laughed at for every single thing about him).

Carrie Prejean is Miss California. She’s the winner of a fucking beauty pageant that has made public statements against gay marriage. Whoo-di-fucking-do, right? There are enough intelligent women and men in this country to ably counter anything this chick might have to say. And generally she would be ignored anyway just because she’s a part of that “beauty pageant” subculture, which I can’t stand. I know I was ignoring her. And happily. There are thousands of people, who are more powerful and have more influence, that are against same-sex marriage and, I thought, those were the people the movement for same-sex marriage should be fighting against. Apparently, I missed the boat on how utterly important this woman is. Or, better yet, how shameful she because she 1) got breast implants and 2) she was photographed topless.

I have a lot of strong opinions on society valuing women’s bodies more than their intellect and talent. Who the fuck cares if you look good in a string bikini if you don’t know jack shit about what’s going on in the world around you? If you can’t manage your own finances, who the fuck cares if your nails are perfectly done? So, here’s a beauty contestant that has political views and has agreed to be a spokesperson for a group supporting those same views. That should be a relief to people who hate the beauty pageant culture for it’s objectification and dumbing down of the contestants. But no. Apparently she should have kept her mouth shut and just sat pretty.

This is where I’m parting ways with some of my lefty compatriots. Mock her for her beliefs, yes. We do that with everyone to a certain extent. Laugh at the stupid shit that may come out of her mouth1. But what’s the point of going on and on and on about her boobs?

She had a boob job before the competition. Ohmyfuckinggod! Can you believe that shit? Here’s a young woman who, for whatever fucked up reason, chose to enter a contest where she would be judged not on her intellect, talent or character, but on her looks, who paid money to improve those looks. According to societal standards, of course. The world of pageantry says that flawless skin, slim figures, and firm breasts are beautiful. Those that enter that world want to conform to those standards. Getting a boob job did that for this woman. It gave her an extra edge in that competition. That was the goal. Why is this shocking? Why isn’t the fact that she felt she needed a boob job being discussed instead of her fake “floating” titties? Why isn’t the fact that those new boobs probably won her more points than anything else in that competition being discussed?

I’ll ignore the chatter about her baring her breasts. I can actually see the hypocrisy in that as she’s supposed to me all moral and upstanding (and now I’m ignoring the question of why does women covering their breasts equal moral). She worked hard for that body and she wants to show it off, but she doesn’t want people that have lived together and loved each other for 50 years to be married. Yes, there’s hypocrisy there. That should most definitely be called out.

I won’t take Ms. Prejean seriously because she doesn’t take herself seriously and she’s a hypocrite. But it’s not because she had a boob job. If I dismissed every woman who’s ever done something to “improve” her looks I’d miss out on a lot of wonderful people, including:

  1. Any woman who has ever put on makeup because “her eyes are so much prettier that way”
  2. Any woman who has ever run on a treadmill in effort to fit into those jeans (as opposed to staying fit and healthy)
  3. Any woman who has “washed that gray right out of” her hair
  4. Any woman who has ever used wrinkle “reducing” cream
  5. Any woman who has ever worn control-top panty hose
  6. Any woman who has ever added spritz to her hair in order to “control the frizz”
  7. Any woman who has ever had her teeth straightened and/or whitened
  8. Any woman who has ever spent 5 minutes in a tanning bed (or laying out on the beach)

Of course, that’s only a partial list. As women, we are conditioned at a young age to do certain things to be pretty in our society. And most people don’t think ill of women doing that. In fact, if a woman in the public eye dares to go out without her hair done and makeup perfect she’s ridiculed. We do it because it’s expected of us. The only people who should be able to ridicule a woman’s physical “enhancements” are those that are perfectly happy with their physical appearance and don’t engage in any of the above actions2. Going on about a boob job is something I expect from asshole motherfuckers who can’t piece a coherent thought together to save their lives. You know the ones: “A woman’s place is in the home.” I most certainly don’t expect to see it coming from people who are supposed to be more politically aware and sensitive.

The very nature of her anti same-sex marriage stance is repulsive. Argue that. But stop arguing that her argument is invalid because she got fucking implants. That kind of diminishment is insulting to all women. Progressives and liberals should be the last people to be using the way a woman looks to bury her argument—whether it’s good or no.

P.S.

I know these issues are regularly discussed on the rad fem sites. I was just irritated that this meme was going on for so long in my Twitter stream and even the self-professed feminists there weren’t calling it out. I’m glad, though, that since my temper tantrum it seems to have died down.

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  1. I don’t listen to her as I was trying not to pay attention to her. []
  2. Including those not listed. []

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

Criminals Out of Our Country

Apparently the fear mongers in the GOP are worried that the dangerous Guantanamo Bay prisoners are going to infect the United States and take us over from within. None of us are safe. RUN!!

So, to prove that point the made this video, aptly named “Guantanamo Bay Terrorists: Coming to a Neighborhood Near You?”1:

OMG! We are doomed. Just fucking DOOMED if Obama lets those people onto our soil. Everyone, come together and don’t let dangerous criminals live here!

In the spirit of the panic that was induced by the above video (you are scared, aren’t you?), Hilzoy of Obsidian Wings put together this little number, called “Criminals Out Of Our Country”. Behold2:

Paid for by The Committee to Send Dangerous Criminals into Outer Space

That is all.

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  1. Oooo []
  2. Read her accompanying post []

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.

PSE Kids Annoy Me

Last week we had a quiz in my history class. One of the question was about Primo Levi and his experience in the camps during WWII. The question asked what was meant when Levi mentioned he entered the “gray zone” and how that effected him after the war (obviously a two part question). Any questions we have on the quiz are taken directly from the text (as opposed to tests which are comprised of things in lecture notes), so Levi’s story was in there, including the reference to how the “gray zone” directed the rest of his life. Also, we get a list of 20 possible questions prior to quiz day and 10 of them are on the quiz.

So, prior to the quiz last week some of the PSE1 kids were discussing that particular question. There are 3 girls crowded around this one nerdy little fucker as he tells them his “correct” answer. Obviously none of the girls looked it up themselves and were relying on the smug little nerd to tell them what they needed to know. So little dude tells them about the “gray zone” but completely omits the part about how that experience guided the rest of Levi’s life, which was actually the important part as far as I was concerned. I jump in (because I’m all nosey and helpful and shit) and tell them not to forget the second part of the question. Little dude brushes me off because duh he’s smart and I’m old and what the fuck do I know? Ah, teenagers. Anyway…

Little dude continues on with the swelling of his chest for the pretty young girls. He’s really smart, dontcha know, and he’s going to ace this quiz. He knows all the answers and they should listen to him. The girls all happily scribble his awesome answers onto their papers. He preens some more. I laugh and try to remember if I ever doted on a nerdy little fucker just because he knew the answers2. He doesn’t reiterate to the pretty girls the second part of the question, but does let them know that he’s uber-smart and will ace the quiz and therefore be the bestest most glorious stud muffin smarty-pants in all of our history class. Oh, yes, we were impressed.

We take the quiz. I’m a little slow because all of the goddamned questions are essay and hello! I’m old with arthritis, FMS and probably old-lady syndrome. Little dude and his gaggle of flirty chickadees flitter away, confident in their mega-smartness (because, like, they’re not old and shit). I faltered only on one word and didn’t worry too much. I only need a “C”, afterall, and didn’t give a flying fuck if I got anything better than that. Thankfully, though, the damned Fibro Fog ™© stayed away that day.

Today we got our quizzes back. Amazingly I missed 0 points out of an available 25. I resist all urge to laugh hysterically and dance around like a complete fool and, instead, fold my paper and put it away. But I couldn’t resist looking at little dude’s quiz. Um, no he didn’t get 100% and in fact got 23 points out of a possible 253. Where did he go wrong? Why question #3, of course! What was question #3? Why, that was the question about Primo Levi and his “gray zone”. Holy shitballs, the old lady got it right!

Guess who else got it wrong? That’s correct! The gaggle of flirty chickadees. Ah, there goes his chance of being the uber-sexah geek of our class, huh? Poor kids. See what happens when you ignore the old lady who can read the whole question and has honored you with her massive database of wisdom? SEE?

Ah, teenagers…

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  1. Post-secondary Education = high schoolers []
  2. No, because I was the nerdy little fucker and was actually pretty smart back in the day. []
  3. I know! Stop it! []

I like geeky stuff, politics, squirrels and monkeys.