Recently I had a conversation with a friend that revolved around date rape. It started because of a post that quoted a description of one. The commenters on this post said that a woman should have the benefit of the doubt in a he said/she said situation. When my friend mentioned that she might be lying – for whatever reason – she was attacked because, some implied, women never lie about such a thing. Why would they? The rape investigation and subsequent trial (if the case goes to trial) would be too humiliating to the woman. She would be forced to tell the world of her sexual history and the defense would paint her to be a tramp. No woman would want to put themselves through that. Right?
Should women be given the benefit of the doubt in he said/she said situations, where there is no other evidence of a rape? Should the accused automatically be presumed guilty when the accusation is date rape?
To be fair, I will admit that the situation described was rape. The victim admits to repeatedly saying “no”. She says that she wasn’t traumatized, but admits
[...]I remember that sexual experience a little more vividly than most of the consensual sexual experiences I’ve undergone in a similar state of intoxication[...][read it here]
*I would say that she was indeed effected negatively by the experience, though maybe not to the PTSD stage.
She didn’t file charges though. The fact is she can’t actually prove the rape- there is no evidence. Should a judge and jury have automatically assumed she is telling the truth about what happened to her?
The fact is that there have been incidents of women lying about rape. Some of the reasons for their lies could be that they were seeking revenge, trying to hide their culpability in something, trying to divert attention from something else, or simply because they couldn’t remember who attacked them. There are women that see nothing wrong with their past sexual exploits- and I don’t see why they should to be completely honest. Some of those women happen to be emotionally/mentally unstable and think nothing of bringing an innocent man in front of a jury and accusing him of rape. They are not humiliated by the process, and some may actually enjoy it.
In my comment I used women “suffering” from Münchhausen’s Syndrome by Proxy. These women harm and even kill their children so that they can gain attention and sympathy. Why would anyone think that there aren’t some women that would do the same with regards to accusing someone of rape? Because they don’t want to believe that women can stoop to those levels.
Women can indeed be mentally unbalanced and that should be recognized as far as I’m concerned. Women can be evil and cruel. Men can be victims of these women- as well as vicious predators. I don’t think it’s right to assume either gender is guilty of one or the other straight off the bat. Men have historically been given the upper hand in an investigation/trial, or I should say white men because black men have historically been not so lucky when accused of rape, but that doesn’t mean that the tables should turn automatically and the accused be sent to jail.
So what to do in situations of date rape? I honestly don’t know. I would say that a woman shouldn’t put herself in that kind of situation and I’m sure I would get beat down for it. At the same time I could say that men should stay out of sexual situations where there isn’t coherent, absolute consent. In an ideal world both sexes would respect and honor each other and there would never be rapes, false accusations, or anything in between. We don’t live in that world though, so what do we do? I’ve personally learned self-defense and have stopped going to bars. I’ve got a healthy fear of dark streets, alleys, and cars of men I don’t know. I don’t assume that men are going to leave me alone just because they should. I don’t assume that I can go into a high-crime area and come out with my purse because it’s wrong to steal and because I have a right to feel safe. Yes, I have a right to feel and be safe, but that’s not reality. Reality is that it’s a dangerous world out there, especially for women. And we’ve got to learn to be responsible for our own safety.
Am I saying that it’s a woman’s fault if she’s raped? No, of course not. But I’m sure it will be taken that way (whenever high crime and responsibility are mentioned along side of “woman” someone always accuses the speaker/writer of “blaming the victim”). I am blaming the men who feel entitled to a woman’s body for whatever reason and take it upon themselves to have it. I am blaming the women who lie about what happened. Those women hurt real victims of rape more than anything else. I am blaming a society that raises men and women to be the way they are, without the ability to be responsible and/or with no regard to their fellow human being. That fucking sucks. But, guess what, you can’t get around it. Anywhere. So you deal. As a woman you learn not to go into certain situations, you learn to kick and scream and not get so drunk as to be unable to even move (obviously drugged drinks are a whole other story, but this is a situation with which I’m personally familiar and from which I’ve learned a grave lesson).
Should a woman report a date rape? Absolutely. And she should insist on a thorough, in-depth investigation. That should be respected by law enforcement, of course. But if there are no charges brought because there is no evidence of a crime, there is nothing more to be done. That’s called reality and it sucks donkey balls. You cannot throw a man in jail for decades with no other evidence than a vague memory. That’s just wrong.
Question of the Week- 8/30
Recently I had a conversation with a friend that revolved around date rape. It started because of a post that quoted a description of one. The commenters on this post said that a woman should have the benefit of the doubt in a he said/she said situation. When my friend mentioned that she might be lying – for whatever reason – she was attacked because, some implied, women never lie about such a thing. Why would they? The rape investigation and subsequent trial (if the case goes to trial) would be too humiliating to the woman. She would be forced to tell the world of her sexual history and the defense would paint her to be a tramp. No woman would want to put themselves through that. Right?
Should women be given the benefit of the doubt in he said/she said situations, where there is no other evidence of a rape? Should the accused automatically be presumed guilty when the accusation is date rape?
To be fair, I will admit that the situation described was rape. The victim admits to repeatedly saying “no”. She says that she wasn’t traumatized, but admits
*I would say that she was indeed effected negatively by the experience, though maybe not to the PTSD stage.
She didn’t file charges though. The fact is she can’t actually prove the rape- there is no evidence. Should a judge and jury have automatically assumed she is telling the truth about what happened to her?
The fact is that there have been incidents of women lying about rape. Some of the reasons for their lies could be that they were seeking revenge, trying to hide their culpability in something, trying to divert attention from something else, or simply because they couldn’t remember who attacked them. There are women that see nothing wrong with their past sexual exploits- and I don’t see why they should to be completely honest. Some of those women happen to be emotionally/mentally unstable and think nothing of bringing an innocent man in front of a jury and accusing him of rape. They are not humiliated by the process, and some may actually enjoy it.
In my comment I used women “suffering” from Münchhausen’s Syndrome by Proxy. These women harm and even kill their children so that they can gain attention and sympathy. Why would anyone think that there aren’t some women that would do the same with regards to accusing someone of rape? Because they don’t want to believe that women can stoop to those levels.
Women can indeed be mentally unbalanced and that should be recognized as far as I’m concerned. Women can be evil and cruel. Men can be victims of these women- as well as vicious predators. I don’t think it’s right to assume either gender is guilty of one or the other straight off the bat. Men have historically been given the upper hand in an investigation/trial, or I should say white men because black men have historically been not so lucky when accused of rape, but that doesn’t mean that the tables should turn automatically and the accused be sent to jail.
So what to do in situations of date rape? I honestly don’t know. I would say that a woman shouldn’t put herself in that kind of situation and I’m sure I would get beat down for it. At the same time I could say that men should stay out of sexual situations where there isn’t coherent, absolute consent. In an ideal world both sexes would respect and honor each other and there would never be rapes, false accusations, or anything in between. We don’t live in that world though, so what do we do? I’ve personally learned self-defense and have stopped going to bars. I’ve got a healthy fear of dark streets, alleys, and cars of men I don’t know. I don’t assume that men are going to leave me alone just because they should. I don’t assume that I can go into a high-crime area and come out with my purse because it’s wrong to steal and because I have a right to feel safe. Yes, I have a right to feel and be safe, but that’s not reality. Reality is that it’s a dangerous world out there, especially for women. And we’ve got to learn to be responsible for our own safety.
Am I saying that it’s a woman’s fault if she’s raped? No, of course not. But I’m sure it will be taken that way (whenever high crime and responsibility are mentioned along side of “woman” someone always accuses the speaker/writer of “blaming the victim”). I am blaming the men who feel entitled to a woman’s body for whatever reason and take it upon themselves to have it. I am blaming the women who lie about what happened. Those women hurt real victims of rape more than anything else. I am blaming a society that raises men and women to be the way they are, without the ability to be responsible and/or with no regard to their fellow human being. That fucking sucks. But, guess what, you can’t get around it. Anywhere. So you deal. As a woman you learn not to go into certain situations, you learn to kick and scream and not get so drunk as to be unable to even move (obviously drugged drinks are a whole other story, but this is a situation with which I’m personally familiar and from which I’ve learned a grave lesson).
Should a woman report a date rape? Absolutely. And she should insist on a thorough, in-depth investigation. That should be respected by law enforcement, of course. But if there are no charges brought because there is no evidence of a crime, there is nothing more to be done. That’s called reality and it sucks donkey balls. You cannot throw a man in jail for decades with no other evidence than a vague memory. That’s just wrong.
Your turn.
Related posts: