I’m pissed. My hatred for Verizon pales in comparison to my current hatred of the Gates empire. Well, until my flippin’ Internet gets all wonky again, but right now Bill Gates can lick toe fungus.
I was sitting happily typing away, all fired up about that goddamned Hillary Clinton (good grief, but I can’t stand her). I had the most delicious rant about her going. Only thing is I didn’t save it. Not once. Saving requires stopping my fingers and grabbing the mouse. I had no time for that nonsense. And the next thing you know, here comes Baby. Of course, I love my child, but at this particular point in her life she is hell on wheels. She’s laughing and giggling, doing her cute thing. Then BOOM! The dreaded blue screen…”Windows is now shutting down”. Motherfucker! What the hell! She pushed the flippin’ power button. And there goes my rant. Down the tubes of Gates short-sightedness.
Here’s the thing. Being a father and, supposedly, uber smart, he should know that someone’s kid somewhere at sometime is going to hit the damned POWER BUTTON. And during that time, one of said kid’s parents will most certainly be working on something spectacular, which will get sucked down the goddamned Windows memory hole. He of the computer geek Gods should know this and prepare for it. This would save countless minutes, hours, and days by cutting back on parental cursing. Doesn’t he realize that my child is a delicate flower and isn’t supposed to hear those kinds of words? Doesn’t he realize that I will scream, cry, and holler when my darling’s little fingers push that button?
Yes, I should have probably saved it the very second I felt that rant coming on. Duh! But holy shitballs™, I was on a roll! Stopping is bad, bad, bad. And now because I don’t have any tequila I’m forced to drink some beer to take away the pain. I blame Bill Gates for it all. Before it’s all over I’ll be blogging drunk again and I swear to all that’s good and holy I will not avoid commenting on any blogs this time. Oh no, if I have to suffer you all have to suffer.
In other news…
Baby and I were on the porch today while I was talking to Other Sis on the phone. I’m telling Other Sis all about DB when I look and Baby is taking off through the front yard. As I’m on my way to get her (she was heading for those crazy, fuzzy purple flower things), she rips off her pull-ups and starts dancing- stark nekkid. Did I mention she only had on a pull-up? Well, it was so hot today, give me a break, people! Anyway, the chase was on after that. I told her “A spider’s going to get in your cooch.” I swear, she laughed at me. Man, it was rough going for me there for a minute (the other day I twisted my hip of all things), but I finally caught the little streaker. I said to my sister “Your niece is stripping in the yard” and Baby starts singing “I’mma stripper! I’mma stripper!”. Mwahahaha!
Now, I suppose I could have told her “No, honey, you’re not a stripper” or some such nonsense. But I didn’t. Instead “That’s right. You’re a stripper. But little strippers don’t take their diappies off in the yard, young lady.” Ha! I can’t wait for Millie to come back from Michigan now. Just so I can see her face when Baby says “Grammy! I’mma stripper!”.
That will be gold.
Trademarked for and by Schad
Related posts:
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- Lookee me
- Cock-eyed Bill is an ass
- Guilt trips don’t work
- Don’t “hint” at me!
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Bill Gates sucks and some Stripping
I’m pissed. My hatred for Verizon pales in comparison to my current hatred of the Gates empire. Well, until my flippin’ Internet gets all wonky again, but right now Bill Gates can lick toe fungus.
I was sitting happily typing away, all fired up about that goddamned Hillary Clinton (good grief, but I can’t stand her). I had the most delicious rant about her going. Only thing is I didn’t save it. Not once. Saving requires stopping my fingers and grabbing the mouse. I had no time for that nonsense. And the next thing you know, here comes Baby. Of course, I love my child, but at this particular point in her life she is hell on wheels. She’s laughing and giggling, doing her cute thing. Then BOOM! The dreaded blue screen…”Windows is now shutting down”. Motherfucker! What the hell! She pushed the flippin’ power button. And there goes my rant. Down the tubes of Gates short-sightedness.
Here’s the thing. Being a father and, supposedly, uber smart, he should know that someone’s kid somewhere at sometime is going to hit the damned POWER BUTTON. And during that time, one of said kid’s parents will most certainly be working on something spectacular, which will get sucked down the goddamned Windows memory hole. He of the computer geek Gods should know this and prepare for it. This would save countless minutes, hours, and days by cutting back on parental cursing. Doesn’t he realize that my child is a delicate flower and isn’t supposed to hear those kinds of words? Doesn’t he realize that I will scream, cry, and holler when my darling’s little fingers push that button?
Yes, I should have probably saved it the very second I felt that rant coming on. Duh! But holy shitballs™, I was on a roll! Stopping is bad, bad, bad. And now because I don’t have any tequila I’m forced to drink some beer to take away the pain. I blame Bill Gates for it all. Before it’s all over I’ll be blogging drunk again and I swear to all that’s good and holy I will not avoid commenting on any blogs this time. Oh no, if I have to suffer you all have to suffer.
In other news…
Baby and I were on the porch today while I was talking to Other Sis on the phone. I’m telling Other Sis all about DB when I look and Baby is taking off through the front yard. As I’m on my way to get her (she was heading for those crazy, fuzzy purple flower things), she rips off her pull-ups and starts dancing- stark nekkid. Did I mention she only had on a pull-up? Well, it was so hot today, give me a break, people! Anyway, the chase was on after that. I told her “A spider’s going to get in your cooch.” I swear, she laughed at me. Man, it was rough going for me there for a minute (the other day I twisted my hip of all things), but I finally caught the little streaker. I said to my sister “Your niece is stripping in the yard” and Baby starts singing “I’mma stripper! I’mma stripper!”. Mwahahaha!
Now, I suppose I could have told her “No, honey, you’re not a stripper” or some such nonsense. But I didn’t. Instead “That’s right. You’re a stripper. But little strippers don’t take their diappies off in the yard, young lady.” Ha! I can’t wait for Millie to come back from Michigan now. Just so I can see her face when Baby says “Grammy! I’mma stripper!”.
That will be gold.
Trademarked for and by Schad
Related posts: