As much as the inlaws annoy the hell out of me, my family is by far the most insane. Let’s take DB for instance. As my faithful readers know, he was recently released from the pokey. He was there because he got busted yet again for DUI and was sentenced to one year in a rehab. DB, being the right-minded individual he is only in our dreams, decided to walk out of rehab and go on the lam with his girlfriend (of like a week). Girlfriend then gets caught for DUI, with DB in the car. DB is sent to the slammer, where he served his one year. The joy and pride I feel at retelling that ridiculous tale is overwhelming.
At any rate, DB stops over. Seems he was kicked out of his step-sister’s house* because, after he went drinking with her brother, he got into a fight with his stepbrother because the stepbrother accused DB of begging people at the bar for beer. Seems the stepbrother also bought a 30 pack of beer and wouldn’t share with DB. DB couldn’t believe that he was kicked out yet again for drinking, when everyone else was drinking. It seriously didn’t occur to him that his behavior had anything to do with getting the boot. And he was honestly baffled when I told him he was a fucking imbecile for going out drinking in the first place. I asked him why the fuck he can’t see what’s wrong with him and get his shit together.
Me: You’re 35 years old and you don’t even have a job.
Him: I’m looking.
Me: Bullshit. How are you going to find a job without an address?
Him: Did you miss the part where I said they kicked me out?
Me: Who’s fault is that, DB? Why the fuck were you drinking in the first place?
Him: I’m not allowed to have fun now?
Me: No. You need to get your life in order before you go fucking it up all over again.
Him: I can’t do shit if no one will help me. Don’t you fucking get it?
Me: Yes, I get it. Someone takes you into their home, free of charge, to help you get back on your feet and you shit on their hospitality. Then you whine and cry like a spoiled child because you acted like an asshole and got kicked the fuck out. Call me shocked.
Him: Whatever. I don’t have anywhere to stay.
Me: Well, you should be thankful it’s still warm out. It’d suck a lot worse if it was winter.
And so DB left me. What a shame. I’m telling you, folks, I have no sympathy. I know he’s got a problem with booze, but if he doesn’t face up to it himself he’s just going to have to suffer. Every time someone reaches out a helping hand to him he hands back a big old turd.
So, cry me a river, DB. You’ve got no one to blame but yourself at this point. I’m not putting my family, as boring as it is, through all of your drama just because you refuse to believe it’s you that has the goddamned problem. You lost my sympathy when you came into my house drunk and scared my kids. Sorry about your luck, bucko, but it’s all on you now. Live miserable or climb your damned ass out of that whole you dug. It’s up to you, but I’m not getting pulled down into that shit with you.
The biggest issue with some of my family members is that they fucking refuse to believe they have anything at all to do with their misfortunes. Everyone is out to get them and make them miserable. It’s the sun’s fault for rising in the damned east and the rain’s for falling down instead of up. Being responsible is only something people on t.v. do. Right?
* A while ago DB was kicked out of the homeless shelter because he refused to abide by their “No Partying” rule. He thought it was unfair since he’s all grown up and shit.
Oh! Sob!
As much as the inlaws annoy the hell out of me, my family is by far the most insane. Let’s take DB for instance. As my faithful readers know, he was recently released from the pokey. He was there because he got busted yet again for DUI and was sentenced to one year in a rehab. DB, being the right-minded individual he is only in our dreams, decided to walk out of rehab and go on the lam with his girlfriend (of like a week). Girlfriend then gets caught for DUI, with DB in the car. DB is sent to the slammer, where he served his one year. The joy and pride I feel at retelling that ridiculous tale is overwhelming.
At any rate, DB stops over. Seems he was kicked out of his step-sister’s house* because, after he went drinking with her brother, he got into a fight with his stepbrother because the stepbrother accused DB of begging people at the bar for beer. Seems the stepbrother also bought a 30 pack of beer and wouldn’t share with DB. DB couldn’t believe that he was kicked out yet again for drinking, when everyone else was drinking. It seriously didn’t occur to him that his behavior had anything to do with getting the boot. And he was honestly baffled when I told him he was a fucking imbecile for going out drinking in the first place. I asked him why the fuck he can’t see what’s wrong with him and get his shit together.
And so DB left me. What a shame. I’m telling you, folks, I have no sympathy. I know he’s got a problem with booze, but if he doesn’t face up to it himself he’s just going to have to suffer. Every time someone reaches out a helping hand to him he hands back a big old turd.
So, cry me a river, DB. You’ve got no one to blame but yourself at this point. I’m not putting my family, as boring as it is, through all of your drama just because you refuse to believe it’s you that has the goddamned problem. You lost my sympathy when you came into my house drunk and scared my kids. Sorry about your luck, bucko, but it’s all on you now. Live miserable or climb your damned ass out of that whole you dug. It’s up to you, but I’m not getting pulled down into that shit with you.
The biggest issue with some of my family members is that they fucking refuse to believe they have anything at all to do with their misfortunes. Everyone is out to get them and make them miserable. It’s the sun’s fault for rising in the damned east and the rain’s for falling down instead of up. Being responsible is only something people on t.v. do. Right?
* A while ago DB was kicked out of the homeless shelter because he refused to abide by their “No Partying” rule. He thought it was unfair since he’s all grown up and shit.
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