The neighbors got into it tonight and gods was that shit funny! First, though, I’ve got to give you some info. Cock-eyed Bill lives at home with his ancient mother and he has a son that lives there too- we’ll call him Big ol’ Bob. Anyway, Big ol’ Bob is shaped like some kind of grotesque caricature of a fat person (well, um, he is fat). He’s perfectly round in the middle with a little tiny head, little tiny arms that stick straight out from his sides and little tiny legs/feet that look like they’re not even supposed to be attached to that 300 lb.+ body. He’s only got one outfit that I know of and it consists of a huge white tee-shirt and blue sweats (complete with a huge whole in the ass). I’d provide a photo, but I’m not good at taking sneaky pics. Ya know? Ok, let’s move on.
Tonight I hear Big ol’ Bob yelling “She’s a crazy bitch! Keep her away from me!” Then there was some kind of noise that sounded like a bear growl. At least that’s what I imagine a bear growl would sound like if I heard one. Then I hear Mama de Cock-eyed say “You get out! You did it on purpose! He did it on purpose!” This is all very funny to me because this is all that they ever say. Honestly, I’d just once like to know what he did and why it was on purpose. Ok, so then the door slams. Well, I’m already outside so I crane my head to see what the fuck is happening.
There goes Big ol’ Bob on his little tiny feet literally waddling up the street. Funny thing is that his waddle is faster than my run. Ha! So, there he goes, his little tiny ultra-short arms swinging back a forth. Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down! Pretty soon here comes Cock-eyed Bill running after him. Did I mention that Big ol’ Bob is 30-ish? Yeah. Cock-eyed Bill yells (in some kind of gutteral tone that made me think of drunken Mongols) “Git yer ass back here! Now!” I actually walked out onto the sidewalk so I could watch the chase.
Finally Cock-eyed Bill catches Big ol’ Bob and grabs his sleeve. Well, Big ol’ Bob isn’t having any of that shit and shakes his skinny ol’ dad off without any kind of effort. And I swear to the gods Cock-eyed Bill tackled his fat ass. Honest to fucking god. Pure comedy gold. When he (Bill) got up, Big ol’ Bob could not get up. He rolled side to side like a fucking turtle stuck on it’s back. Holy shit, I felt bad for laughing, but how could I not? Then there was Cock-eyed Bill yelling some gutteral shit at his poor helpless son when Mama comes barreling past me (how do these people reach these kinds of speeds?) and gives them both the what-for. I was back on the porch when the three of them walked past giving me the stink-eye. Hahahahaha! They were united in their hatred of me, I’m sure. You’d think, though, that Mama de Cock-eyed would brush the crud off of her grandson’s huge ass. It’s bad enough the whole neighborhood saw him rolling around helplessly listening to his ass of a dad but he’s got to walk around with a tree stuck between his cheeks? C’mon already!
My parting shot to the loving family? “Thanks for the blog fodder.” Ha!
Big ol’ Bob the turtle
The neighbors got into it tonight and gods was that shit funny! First, though, I’ve got to give you some info. Cock-eyed Bill lives at home with his ancient mother and he has a son that lives there too- we’ll call him Big ol’ Bob. Anyway, Big ol’ Bob is shaped like some kind of grotesque caricature of a fat person (well, um, he is fat). He’s perfectly round in the middle with a little tiny head, little tiny arms that stick straight out from his sides and little tiny legs/feet that look like they’re not even supposed to be attached to that 300 lb.+ body. He’s only got one outfit that I know of and it consists of a huge white tee-shirt and blue sweats (complete with a huge whole in the ass). I’d provide a photo, but I’m not good at taking sneaky pics. Ya know? Ok, let’s move on.
Tonight I hear Big ol’ Bob yelling “She’s a crazy bitch! Keep her away from me!” Then there was some kind of noise that sounded like a bear growl. At least that’s what I imagine a bear growl would sound like if I heard one. Then I hear Mama de Cock-eyed say “You get out! You did it on purpose! He did it on purpose!” This is all very funny to me because this is all that they ever say. Honestly, I’d just once like to know what he did and why it was on purpose. Ok, so then the door slams. Well, I’m already outside so I crane my head to see what the fuck is happening.
There goes Big ol’ Bob on his little tiny feet literally waddling up the street. Funny thing is that his waddle is faster than my run. Ha! So, there he goes, his little tiny ultra-short arms swinging back a forth. Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down! Pretty soon here comes Cock-eyed Bill running after him. Did I mention that Big ol’ Bob is 30-ish? Yeah. Cock-eyed Bill yells (in some kind of gutteral tone that made me think of drunken Mongols) “Git yer ass back here! Now!” I actually walked out onto the sidewalk so I could watch the chase.
Finally Cock-eyed Bill catches Big ol’ Bob and grabs his sleeve. Well, Big ol’ Bob isn’t having any of that shit and shakes his skinny ol’ dad off without any kind of effort. And I swear to the gods Cock-eyed Bill tackled his fat ass. Honest to fucking god. Pure comedy gold. When he (Bill) got up, Big ol’ Bob could not get up. He rolled side to side like a fucking turtle stuck on it’s back. Holy shit, I felt bad for laughing, but how could I not? Then there was Cock-eyed Bill yelling some gutteral shit at his poor helpless son when Mama comes barreling past me (how do these people reach these kinds of speeds?) and gives them both the what-for. I was back on the porch when the three of them walked past giving me the stink-eye. Hahahahaha! They were united in their hatred of me, I’m sure. You’d think, though, that Mama de Cock-eyed would brush the crud off of her grandson’s huge ass. It’s bad enough the whole neighborhood saw him rolling around helplessly listening to his ass of a dad but he’s got to walk around with a tree stuck between his cheeks? C’mon already!
My parting shot to the loving family? “Thanks for the blog fodder.” Ha!
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