Man, oh, man. My mother just found out she has an aneurysm. And she’s refusing to go back to the doctor. She was supposed to go get a shunt put in yesterday- so she can start dialysis. She cancelled her appointment.
My sister says that she’s worried that our mom may try to commit suicide herself. I say she’s already doing it. How? By not getting the medical care she needs to stay alive. Everything that is wrong (medically) with my mother was preventable and is manageable. But she’s going to die because she doesn’t want to deal with it. She’s allowing herself to die.
What’s worse than that? She’s constantly talking- ok, I’ll say it, whining about how sick she is. She just keeps on and keeps on. Looking for fucking sympathy and refusing to help herself. Do you realize how goddamned frustrating this is? The sad fact is that she doesn’t give a fuck that her family is just waiting to find her dead- and soon. We’re steeling ourselves for that soon-to-come event. Feeling sorry for her is not in my emotional abilities anymore. And neither is guilt. I am full of frustration and anger toward her. My sister is in a dangerous place right now and my mother is just letting herself go because “what’s the point?”.
I have talked to her about all of this. My other sister and I have talked extensively about this. And nothing is going to change her actions. There is no convincing her because it’s all about her and the fact that she doesn’t like what the doctors are telling her. Fuck that. I’m not even going to try to talk to her anymore. Now I’m preparing my family for the inevitable “mom’s dead” call. I’m preparing my family for the funeral day. I’m doing shit right now in anticipation of what’s coming- the same kind of shit someone would do if a loved one had received a terminal diagnosis. But my mother didn’t get that diagnosis. My mother could live. And she chooses not to do that. That pisses me the fuck off.
The sad thing is that one day she’ll realize that death is really coming for her and she’ll get scared. Then she’ll want to live. And it’ll be too fucking late. Just like a suicide at the last second. Except we know it’s coming and there’s not a fucking thing we can do about it.
My family is so fucked up. Honestly. My mother is severely borderline (not borderline schizophrenic, ok? Look it up), my little sister is severely borderline, and I’m borderline (though I’ve gotten help with my disorder and I’m not severe). I would move my kids far away to keep them away from the insanity, but I won’t have to. My mother will be dead soon and then I won’t see my sisters very much. Isn’t that just….Well, fucked up?
My mother’s a nut
Man, oh, man. My mother just found out she has an aneurysm. And she’s refusing to go back to the doctor. She was supposed to go get a shunt put in yesterday- so she can start dialysis. She cancelled her appointment.
My sister says that she’s worried that our mom may try to commit suicide herself. I say she’s already doing it. How? By not getting the medical care she needs to stay alive. Everything that is wrong (medically) with my mother was preventable and is manageable. But she’s going to die because she doesn’t want to deal with it. She’s allowing herself to die.
What’s worse than that? She’s constantly talking- ok, I’ll say it, whining about how sick she is. She just keeps on and keeps on. Looking for fucking sympathy and refusing to help herself. Do you realize how goddamned frustrating this is? The sad fact is that she doesn’t give a fuck that her family is just waiting to find her dead- and soon. We’re steeling ourselves for that soon-to-come event. Feeling sorry for her is not in my emotional abilities anymore. And neither is guilt. I am full of frustration and anger toward her. My sister is in a dangerous place right now and my mother is just letting herself go because “what’s the point?”.
I have talked to her about all of this. My other sister and I have talked extensively about this. And nothing is going to change her actions. There is no convincing her because it’s all about her and the fact that she doesn’t like what the doctors are telling her. Fuck that. I’m not even going to try to talk to her anymore. Now I’m preparing my family for the inevitable “mom’s dead” call. I’m preparing my family for the funeral day. I’m doing shit right now in anticipation of what’s coming- the same kind of shit someone would do if a loved one had received a terminal diagnosis. But my mother didn’t get that diagnosis. My mother could live. And she chooses not to do that. That pisses me the fuck off.
The sad thing is that one day she’ll realize that death is really coming for her and she’ll get scared. Then she’ll want to live. And it’ll be too fucking late. Just like a suicide at the last second. Except we know it’s coming and there’s not a fucking thing we can do about it.
My family is so fucked up. Honestly. My mother is severely borderline (not borderline schizophrenic, ok? Look it up), my little sister is severely borderline, and I’m borderline (though I’ve gotten help with my disorder and I’m not severe). I would move my kids far away to keep them away from the insanity, but I won’t have to. My mother will be dead soon and then I won’t see my sisters very much. Isn’t that just….Well, fucked up?
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